Saturday, June 11, 2011

Day 228

Today we went to my mom and dad's.  Mom had all of Jake's cousins over for a visit so we all got to hang out together and play around.  We don't do this enough but I'm really thankful for there not being hours of distance between us.  This makes it pretty easy to have days like today where its a pop in visit and some good quality family time spent together.  Thanks God!

Day 227

I love flowers, love, love, love flowers!  Did I mention I like flowers.  Well on the way home today we stopped at walmart and got an amazing deal on flowers, $15 for a pot full, when at home they are $7 for a little tiny pot of one flower.  Thanks God for the great deal!  Thanks for the great drive home and Jacob being such a great little traveller!!

Day 226

Sometimes when I'm parenting I wonder if I'm gaining.  Is my discipline making any difference, is he learning from his mistakes?  Today I learned that it is.  I saw a glimmer of how it is making a difference and I'm raising a compassionate little boy.  Jacob was miserable and he was just being plain whiny and grumpy.  He even yelled back at me and this I don't tolerate and he has to say sorry for when he does it.  He was so miserable that there was no winning and so in his fit I just put him down for a nap.  Well before his nap I had been trying to get him to say sorry and he refused.  Now I don't want him to say it just for the sake of saying it I do want him to be remorseful when he says it or else its a meaningless apology.  So he fell asleep and then when he woke up the first words out of his mouth were "I'm sorry".  He's getting it, and he understands, and he remembered!  Thanks God for showing me I am doing the right thing and that it is working.

Day 225

A number of years ago I started a new position and the moment I met one of my co-workers I felt like I had met them before, one of those people that you are instantly comfortable around and you just know that you like this person.  My friend Marlene is one of those people to me.  Today I got to spend the whole day with her, something that doesn't happen very often because we live 5 hours apart now.  I miss her but when we have limited time together now you tend to appreciate the person even more.  Thanks God for this gift of Marlene and our friendship that I'm pretty sure will continue well into our grey years.

Day 224

Today we are going to surprise my dear friend Marlene and surprise her with us coming for a visit.  I still had lots to do, clean the house, pack, all that stuff before we left though.  Jacob decided to sleep in today though giving me the extra time to get it all done before he woke up.  A very nice little gift!  Then we took off and had a really good drive together.  Yes I packed the portable dvd player but I thought I would just bring it out to use in an emergent situation when he was miserable of travelling.  I didn't even have to use it though!  He was a great traveller chatting away to me about the things he saw out the window.  The whole day from start to finish was a great and miraculous day.  Thanks God!

Friday, June 10, 2011

Day 223

I went for lunch with a dear friend today and since I had the day off I thought I would treat myself to a drink at lunch time.  Well I almost fell off my seat when she asked for ID.  I'm 31!  So she thought I looked young enough to look 18.  A huge compliment in my books.
So my other miracle of today would be that as I've dreamed of what the perfect man would be like over the years there are certain things that have been added to the list.  Now I don't have a formal written down list as much as qualities or traits that I would like in a man that are rambling around in my head.  These qualities or traits usually have been decided upon because previous men didn't have them and I wished they had at the time.  So one of these traits is that I wanted to end up with someone who was appreciative of me and the things that I did for them.  Someone who didn't take for granted what I did for them.  Daniel is that appreciative man.  He always says thank you and this morning he was even more so, maybe because I cleaned his house but how he thanked me so many times after the fact made me not mind at all cleaning his house and I will most likely do it again because I know that he doesn't take what I do for him for granted.  So thank you God for this man and his appreciation of me.

Day 222

Today is Mother's day and wouldn't you know it in Jacob's little subconscious he must have known because he slept in giving me some extra quiet morning time.  Thanks God for this wonderful gift!!

Day 221

Today may seem like a silly miracle but it was a prayer and God did answer so therefore according to my books and this blog that is a miracle.  My mom has been looking for a dress for my brothers upcoming wedding for months now.  Everything hasn't fit right or isn't her style.  Today we were on the hunt to find a dress.  I even prayed on the way that she would find a dress.  Well since I'm writing about this you can assume yes the miracle did happen and she found a dress!  Thank you God!!  Even for the little silly requests he is there to answer and grant the miracles.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Day 220

Jacob was sick today.  Now how can this be a blessing??  It wasn't.  Especially not today because I had to cover for my boss and so I couldn't stay at home with him and just snuggle.  So what possibly could be a miracle of today?  Well the fact that my sitters think nothing of keeping Jacob and snuggling with him on the couch when I can't.  I am so blessed with this family to look after Jacob when I can't.  Thank you God for them especially today when I can't be with him.

Day 219

I have commented before what a blessing my friends are but there are 4 of us that really step up when the other needs someone/thing.  I never thought of myself as part of a group of girls but really these 4 women are my girls.  I know that we each lead very separate lives but when we really need each other we are there.  Thanks God for these wonderful women in my life.

Day 218

Today we were blessed at work with a new employee that started.  She is amazing and a great fit into the office dynamics and I really enjoy her company.  Thanks God for blessing not only me but our entire office with this wonderful new addition!

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Day 217

So if you consistently read my blog you know that I along with other who work with this man have been able to get a man his dying wish to visit his homeland.  Today I got to tell that man that he is going home.  I know you probably are thinking that this must have been such an emotional moment.  It wasn't.  In his own way he showed excitement and told us a poem in his language of origin.  However there was still a feeling in the room.  A feeling of accomplishment and anticipation.  Thank you God for all of the things you have done to be able to get this man his dying wish.

Day 216

I had a meeting today with a family at work that can be a bit contenscious at the best of times and it went very smoothly.  Thanks God for just bringing peace into the room and allowing everyone to be heard and not feel belittled or uncomfortable.  I know that this peace in the room was directly from you.

Day 215

Jacob is starting to be more and more inquisitive about God, God's book, Jesus and all of that.  I'm so thankful that he seems to be understanding it and the importance of God and Jesus in our lives.  He knows so much more about all of it than I did at his age already.  Today in church he was holding my cross and said, "Jesus cross, Jesus died on the cross."  Yes he did and he died for us to be saved and live eternally.  I'm so proud of this little boy understanding it already and that already he is starting to build a relationship with God and Jesus.  Thank you God.

Day 214

I got a nice little unexpected surprise of my mom asking to take Jacob overnight for a visit.  Whenever this happens I'm grateful and take it as a miracle because it is a gift.  So thanks God and thanks for my mom as well!

Day 213

I belong to a group of women who together raise money for families in need in our local community.  We found that we would like to have one more person join our group.  We agonize on who would be a good fit with our personalities because there is a lot of fun that we have and not all people might get our humor.  Last year we were approached by a local home business who wanted to help us out and donate a cake to our big event.  Through this donation we got to know the family of the home business and the woman really seemed like she might be a good fit for our group and so we discussed it amongst us and decided to invite her to join us.  She is an amazing fit and I actually foresee her becoming the next  chairperson one day which is great news for me because I don't want to be chairperson for many more years.  So thanks God for blessing our group with this woman but also thank you for bringing her to me so that she may one day take my place in the group and we will all feel comfortable with it.

Day 212

This morning we were both up early and ready to go so I thought I'd treat us and go to McDonald's for breakfast.  We arrived, got our meal and sat to enjoy our breakfast.  Jacob chattered away to me, quite the little personality he is developing into.  I'm just amazed at how quickly he's becoming a little person. 
Back to breakfast.  Another mom had the same idea as us and she brought her daughter to enjoy McDonald's this morning.  Their breakfast did not go as smoothly as ours.  Soon enough there were the typical threats to send the young one to go and sit in the car, which you know never happens.  Then coaxing her to eat, then crying, then a fall, then swearing and cursing and it just went from bad to worse.  As I watched and heard this situation going on I was so thankful for the little boy sitting across from me chatting away to me, eating his breakfast, sitting nicely on his chair.  Thankful that I've never felt the need to lose my cool and resort to swearing and yelling at my son and thankful that  Jacob is just such a mild mannered easy child to parent.  Thank you God again for blessing me with this wonderful little boy that I get to be a mom to.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Day 211

I have been trying to get an elderly man his dying wish for about 4 years now.  He has a request to go back to his home country and then pass away there.  Well to figure out how to get an incapacitated man, with no friends or family to take him to a different country is a difficult feat.  A few years ago I was able to find a man who was willing to be hired to take him.  This ended up not happening because the elderly man became paranoid that the companion was going to steal all his money.  So we had to start from scratch all over again.
Well the elderly fellow said that he still had family in his home country so we were able to miraculously locate a nephew and thought that it was going to work for him to go and live with the nephew.  That is until in the 4th phone conversation the nephew asked for $50,000 cash to take his uncle.  So that was no longer going to be a viable option. 
So the man does have a friend who spends a lot of time with him but the issue was that the trustee wouldn't allow the man to pay for someone else to accompany him to go and the friend isn't well off enough to pay for a trip "just because".  So yet another roadblock to getting this man his dying wish.  Well a few months ago his file was transferred and he was assigned a new trustee, originates from this man's home country and has visited that country numerous times.  This trustee is willing to allow this man to go back to his home country, take his companion and enjoy his money while he's still alive.  What a miracle!  After so man roadblocks we finally are all working together to get this man his dying wish.  Now you can't tell me that any of this isn't a miracle.  It all is, every single step of the way has been a miracle.  Thanks God, and thank you for allowing me to do your work.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Day 210

I don't often pray and have a request in which I want an immediate answer but today I did.  I was at the farm with Daniel and he had to pull a calf.  I've seen this happen numerous times before and have been fine with witnessing it happening.  Today though was different.  For whatever reason as I was watching the miracle of birth I started to feel light headed, then I started to see spots, and then everything started to get blurry.  I was going to pass out!  SO I said a prayer to God asking him to help me through this and to not let me faint in front of Daniel and his grandpa, what a sight I would have been falling down and fainting during my first calf experience with them!  I started breathing deep and praying more.  His grandpa was talking to me and I just answered with yes or no and kept praying.  God answered me and I didn't pass out and was fine.  Then later I did chores with Daniel and I wondered if I should tell him or not.  I bit the bullet and told him.  Well it could have gone either way; he could have been sympathetic or he could have laughed at me.  He was very humble and didn't make fun of me but rather told me of a story of when he was skinning a calf, yes I said skinning, and he all of a sudden woke up and was getting trampled by a cow.  So he didn't fare as well as I did in not passing out.  So thanks God for answering me right then and there. 
An aside.  When a calf dies they skin it and then if there is an orphan calf they put the skin on the orphan calf and re-introduce it to the cow that lost her calf.  It's 99% successful; and also known as adoption on the farm!!

Easter Monday; doing chores with Daniel.  Not passing out with the calf being born.

Day 209

It's Easter!!!!  Today is a huge miracle.  Jesus came alive today and did what he said he was going to do.  Rise from the dead 3 days later and open the gates of heaven.  Open the gates to everlasting life.  Thank you God!!!
So this is one miracle of the day that truly is a miracle every day after it happened.  The other miracle is that Jacob did get the meaning of today.  We were at my parents and his cousin asked him what the easter bunny brought Jacob and I quickly said, "oh the easter bunny actually didn't bring Jacob any presents.  Jacob can you tell M why you got a present today?"  To which he shouted, " Jesus is alive!"  The enthusiasm was just priceless.  Thanks God for having my son already start to know you and build a relationship with you.

Day 208

I wanted to somehow still incorporate the fun that Easter can be be but not lose sight of the fact that it is about Jesus, and not a fake bunny.  I've avoided the entire conversation about "guess who's coming the easter bunny...." This morning our town hosted an easter egg hunt and there was a bunny there.  It was easy though to not make a big deal of the bunny because it was a local bear mascot with bunny ears.  So we participated in the egg hunt and Jacob did find an egg he was more interested in playing in the park though rather than looking for eggs.  So really did I need to have worry about how to teach my son about what this holiday is about; not really.  As long as he's having fun it really doesn't matter.  So thanks God for making it easy to teach Jacob about the true meaning and he not getting wrapped up in societies beliefs about a fake bunny.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Day 207

I've been reading the bible everyday now and have read it cover to cover.  Something I have to say I never thought that I would do but now that I've done it once I will just continue to read it everyday for the remainder of my life.  It really is a good book.  I enjoy the little nuggets of goodness that I get from God to apply to my life but I also enjoy the historical content of it.  Can you imagine a little teenager coming out and saying he would defeat a giant and then doing it??  He did, and reading the actual story of how it transpired is interesting. 
With reading the bible though I do have questions about what is written sometimes and my pastor is so wonderful in that he encourages us to have questions and ask them, don't put them off or aside and think any question is a dumb question.  Today I had some questions and Norm was more than willing to sit down and answer them all.  The beautiful thing about this is that he uses the bible to answer all the time, he doesn't use his own interpretation.  Thanks God for this leader and friend.

Pastor Norm

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Day 206

Today the dreadful happened.  I realized that my iPhone was missing.  At first glance I thought it was in the bottom of my purse, as it tends to be a lot of the time.  I didn’t worry at first thinking, ‘oh maybe it fell on the seat of my jeep’.  After several minutes of checking the seat, under the seat, in the backseat, in any cubbyhole possible I realized “MY iPhone is MISSING!!!!” 
Now what?  Okay, retrace my steps, call all the stores I went to; go back to the stores as well to double check for myself.  Nope, it was lost, gone, along with my world…….  When I realized it was missing I realized how much I rely on this little device.  It’s my address book; I don’t write numbers down anymore, I store them electronically.  It’s my agenda, alarm clock, grocery list, balance book, calculator, and the list goes on and on. 
I dreadfully went to the local TELUS store and explained that I lost my phone.  I wasn’t able to get a new phone right then because the computers were being touchy and so it was recommended that I wait until the next day.  So I went home, head hung low, disappointed with myself for losing such a key piece of my life.  I know some are thinking, ‘this gal relies too much on her iPhone’, but I’m sure there are others out there like me that has their phone within reach at any and all times. 
So the plan was to go to the TELUS store first thing in the morning to be reconnected with the technological world again.  I called and suspended my current number and tried to keep busy doing life things, I went for an ice cream with my son, went and visited some friends, complained about losing my phone and being lost. 
Went home and there was a message on my answering machine.  The RCMP had my iPhone!!!!!  A perfect stranger had found it, I don’t know where they found it but they had taken it to the RCMP.  I shouldn’t be so shocked that there are honest people in the world but I am.  I try to teach my son good values and to do random acts of kindness and here I am the recipient of one.  I thought my phone was gone forever and I would be out a few hundred dollars with the purchase of another phone.  Instead though someone who I don’t even know and probably never will completely made my day/week/month by their good values and honesty and returning my phone.  Thank you to this person and for renewing my faith in human nature.  Your honesty and kindness is greatly appreciated and you can rest assured that I will pay this favor forward many times over.

Day 205

A long time ago I realized that I should be getting Jacob to say sorry to me when he is disrespectful or hurtful to me.  I realized this when I began to think of when you are out somewhere and your child is disrespectful or hurtful and then all of a sudden you expect them to say sorry and they look at you like your crazy, well they've never learned that when you are hurtful you need to be remorseful and apologize.  Tonight Jacob didn't want to eat, he sat at the table and screamed at me and said he didn't want to pray.  I told him that he needed to eat and that I was going to pray anyways and I did and then proceeded to eat and ignore him.  Soon enough he was quiet and on his own he said, "sorry".  He's getting it and I am thankful that he's understanding it at home first.

Day 204

If your a regular reader of my blog you would probably think that I've forgotten to blog and forgotten to keep track of a miracle a day but I haven't.  Rest assured I have 14 days of unposted blogs that all need editing.  I just do a one liner and save it for myself to write another time so that I don't forget and get too far behind and am making up miracles.
Okay, on to what the miracle of this day was.  At first I was upset about this miracle but after some time I realized that this was a gift from God and that qualifies as a miracle to me.  I even blogged about this on my other blog.  If you read that one it was written in a different frame of mind and you probably didn't think I'd recognize it as a miracle but it really is.
Years ago when I started my hunt for a church I wanted to find a church where I felt like I belonged, like I was part of a family.  Well that is exactly where I am now.  Our church is always referring to the "church family" and I feel very blessed to be part of this family.  We are all close in varying degrees much like some parts of a family are closer than others.  I feel like I'm really close to my brothers but I don't know everything that is going on in their lives all the time but I know that they would be there for me in a heartbeat if I needed and this is how parts of our church family are.  Now the good with the bad is that sometimes family say things that you know are true but you don't want to hear.  One friend in my church family did this.  They said some things that I was upset at first but then as I read the words over I knew what was said was only out of love and concern and how thankful I am that I do belong to part of a church like I longed for that would treat me like a sister and tell me when they were concerned for me.  So even when I don't want to hear somethings I'm thankful that someone feels close enough to me to say them.  Thanks God!

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Day 203

When I was going through the process to adopt one of the skeptics was my brother Cory.  He had said to me one time that a kid was a lifelong commitment and that I wasn't going to send the kid back after a while.  I knew all of these things but I think that was my brother giving me parenting advice since he's a parent to 3 now.  We were all at my parents for supper tonight and now more than a year after Jacob has joined our family I watch the relationship between Jacob and Cory.  Cory tends to tease Jacob, tickling and poking and lifting him upside down.  I'm so thankful that Cory is who he is and was concerned but that he has such a good heart and loves this little boy as his nephew.  Thanks God!

Day 202

When I prayed for a mate one of the things that I prayed for was to be with someone who made me feel secure in the relationship, not insecure.  You know that icky feeling when you just spend all night wondering if you did something when in all actuality you did nothing and they just feel like being alone.  Well I always tended to worry and cause myself a lot of unnecessary anxiety.  Tonight D didn't come over and it was all okay.  I had no icky panicky feeling.  I had just contentment because I knew that we are okay and that we are getting to know each other so there will be times that we aren't always together and its all okay.  Thanks God for the peace of mind and answering my prayers yet again.

Day 201

There is a file at work that has made it's rounds.  Its just a difficult file and it keeps going to court and nothing ever seems to get resolved.  Today a prayer was answered and we have a court date to put the situation to rest once and for all.  Now to pray that it goes as we hope it will!

Day 200

I used to belong to a $240 club.  What it was is that 12 women get together and each throw $20 in the pot and each month a new woman wins the pot.  Really your up no money and your out no money because everyone wins once.  I started another one of these clubs but this time it is called "gift to yourself" club.  Tonight I was the host and so everyone came over and we all just sit around and socialize and its really a time to just get out and enjoy some adult lady time.  When I sent out invitations I really didn't know who would respond.  It's turned out to be a great mix of ladies and toight it was so much fun that some didn't go home until midnight!  Thank you God for these ladies and the time together.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Day 199

Jacob says prayers right before bed.  I've started asking him who he wanted to pray for and he will say certain people's names; Colton is usually at the top of the list and then he throws out other names.  Sometimes Pastor Norm, grandma, poppa, Aunty Jen.  I have no idea his rhyme or reason of who he says just that those are the people that we pray for that time then.  Tonight right away he asked "pray for Daniel?"  I said sure, so tonight Jacob prayed for Daniel.  Bless my son's little heart and his openness to pray for others.  Thanks God.

Day 198

Yesterday my stomach started the "gurgle, gurgle" action.  I wasn't sure if I was for sure getting sick or if it was just a touch of something.  By supper time I knew that I was sick.  I went to bed hoping it would pass.  At 4am I was wide awake and the gurgling was now painful and I knew I would not be going anywhere today.  Jacob woke up at his normal time of 7am but he just wanted to snuggle on the couch with mom.  I thought that maybe he was sick too.  We sat and watched Cars and then he seemed to be quite perky and happy.  He appeared not to be sick at all.  I on the other hand was still running to the bathroom and in pain.  So what is my miracle of the day as I was in the fetal position on the couch all day?  That Jacob was healthy and that he didn't get sick at all.  Can you believe that I haven't had one episode of puking or diarrhea yet?!  So thanks God for Jacob's health and his ability to play by himself and understand that his mom wasn't feeling too good today.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Day 197

I know your probably going to get a little bored of hearing about D but bear with me for a little while.
Tonight I got a glimmer of life as I know it.  You know how you think about what your life will be like one day, one day when your married, and you have kids, and your living life, you get to that point where you always dreamed about? 
Tonight I had a glimmer.  We had supper and Jacob had a bath and then afterwards we all snuggled up on the couch and watched tv and ate our dessert.  Jacob snuggled up in between us.  Yep, life as I know it.  Thanks God for my life and the glimmer of life as I know it.

Day 196

This morning I had plans to go to a parenting course.  I decided to make a last minute modification to those plans.  D was standing in his coveralls with a big goofy grin on his face and I was about to say good bye when he said, "oh your not going to come help me do chores?"  How could I resist?!  Riding in a tractor with this wonderful man that God has put in my path and all I really want to do is be with him and he with me?!  I modified and rode in the tractor, opened gates, doctored calves and was tickled pink to do it all. 
Then I went to the parenting course.  What a blessing it was to be around other parents who have similar struggles and to hear some practical advice and that I am going to make mistakes and that its okay, and that my child isn't going to be perfect and that's okay too. 
Thanks God for this wonderful day from start to finish!!

Day 195

My mom and dad are great.  I don't know if I really appreciate them enough but they are absolutely super people.  They are supportive of almost everything I do and when they aren't supportive or question my decisions I always know it is done out of love and concern.  They have really made being a single parent easy.  So easy to the point that I've never really thought of myself as a single parent.  Today they took Jacob for a visit so that I could spend some time with D.  Something that is going to be a challenge and a balance.  Well challenge, not really.  Jacob loves D and so far D really gets a kick out of Jacob.  However the fact that my parents recognize that we need alone time to get to know each other and that they support this new relationship I'm so thankful for.  Thanks God for giving me two really wonderful parents that as I've gotten older I can also add as friends, not just parents.

Day 194

So our relationship is very new and fresh but I took the plunge and did something that I have never done before.  I changed my status.  Yep, I did it, I went and changed it from "single" to "in a relationship".  I wasn't worried about this change until tonight.  D was getting his haircut at a mutual friend, the only friend that I am also friends with on the social website.  I had some worry about the friend making comments to him about my relationship status being changed and then him saying that I shouldn't have changed the status.  I know a lot of worry for no good reason but in the past this is exactly something that would have happened to me with the guys I used to see.  All that uneasiness was rest assured when he walked in and said I was supposed to call the mutual friend later.  So the girl in me analysed the situation and realized that clearly he and she had talked, whether or not she mentioned the relationship status didn't matter because she knew we were together and it didn't matter because it is the truth, can you hear the harps??  I'm in a relationship and I don't need to worry!!!  Thanks God for this assurance and I'll stop worrying now.

Day 193

I feel very blessed that my family all live within a half an hour drive.  This makes surprise get togethers and visits very easy but still just as meaningful if we lived farther away.  Tonight we had an impromptu visit with my sister-in-law, and my nieces and nephew.  As we all grow and our families grow it is sometimes hard to keep those close relationships with extended family and I just feel so greatful that all of my family lives so close and that Jacob will know his cousins, aunts and uncles so well because we see them so often.  Thanks God for the time and the family.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Day 192

Money has never been a strong point in my life.  I have money but I don't focus on having excess money in my bank account.  I have a savings but it doesn't have thousands and thousands of dollars in it.  I've never came into big windfalls or gambled and won big.  Today though I found out that all provincial employees are getting a bonus due to the union.  Within the next few months we all get $1750, 4% increase and then next January we get $1250!  That's great news!!!  I need new tires and Jacob's school is going to cost $450.  SO the $1750 will cover those costs after the tax man takes his share.  Then I came home and had a phone message that my taxes were done.  Now I had no clue what the end result would be for this year.  This was the first year I've had Jacob, I was on EI for 10 months of the year, so I really had no clue.  It turns out I'm getting over $4000 back!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I was shocked!  Goodbye one student loan!!!!! Thank you God for these gifts because I do know that all money really does come from you!

Day 190

I got to hold a newborn today.  I'm typically not a baby person.  I know some of you may not believe this but its the truth.  I'm a "little person" person, not so much a baby person.  I'm finding though that lately I'm asking to hold babies that are around.  Does it mean I'm "baby ready"  maybe, am I having a baby anytime soon.  Not yet anyways but I do feel God is opening me up to situations to feel like I could have a baby.  Having a baby actually has scared me.  A number of years ago I had surgery on my stomach and the scar tissue still bothers me and I don't like to touch my stomach.  Recently though this is slowly changing.  My nerves in my stomach are either finally healing or my mind is letting me believe that my stomach is fine.  The more I hold the miraculous little wonders that God gifts people with the more I think that I too would like to have a miracle in my hands one day.  I know each and everyday that Jacob is my miracle from God, but God does give more than one miracle to people sometimes.

Day 191

I have been on the road a lot for the past month.  Whenever that happens my paperwork falls way behind.  Today though I had a quiet day in the office and got almost all of my paperwork done.  Thanks God for the clear mind and quiet phone so that I was able to be so productive.

Day 189

So I know you are all sitting on pins and needles wondering about the man.....yep he's still around.  God has definitely brought him into my life and I into his for a reason.  He is the nicest man I've ever met in my life and finally I feel like I'm meeting someone who I feel is on the same page of life I am.  He came over tonight and we just sat and watched a movie and visited together.  Yes we're building a relationship but better than that we are building a friendship.  I've always said I wanted to be best friends with my husband and we're building that now.  Thank you God for each and every day and moment that I learn more and more about him and he about me.

Day 188

The sun was shining, the snow melting, it was blue skies.  God just blessed us with a beautiful spring day.  My son thought that if he could see the top of his sand box it was nice enough to play in.  What an imagination he has!  Thank you God for this day:)

Day 187

Over the years I have developed a close relationship with God.  This for some people may put a wedge between some of their non-Christian friends.  I have been extremely blessed in my friends.  They all understand and respect my belief and relationship with God.  Some have asked questions and this has opened up the possibility of them having a relationship with God themselves.  I thank God for putting me amongst so many non-Christians and living my life through him so that they may want what I have.  Tonight I spent the evening with all of my friends and laughed until I cried.  What a blessing it is to be placed in a situation where I am constantly fishers of men.  I feel blessed to be around these people and call them my closest friends.  Thank you God!

Day 186

Today Jacob and I stayed home together to work from home.  I didn't get much work done; a bit while he snuggled up in bed with me and watched fox and the hound and I got busy on the laptop.  I just need to say thanks though for this day; the day with my son, the day at home with him and being able to just have the time with him and a boss understanding enough to allow me to do this every once in awhile. 

Day 185

God just keeps blessing me with more and more good friends in my life.  I had worked with someone about 10+  years ago and she and I were more acquaintances than friends.  Over the years though we've become closer and closer.  I would now consider her one of my closest friends.  Her daughter next to my family has been closest to Jacob since he came home.  What a blessing it has been to be involved in their lives and watch their little girl grow and to find such a friendship in someone that I had passed off as an acquaintance at times.  Thank you God for this wonderful friend and friendship.

Day 184

I woke up super early today; 3:30am to be exact and couldn't go back to sleep.  What was bad about this is that I was also on the road today and had to travel back home after meetings all day.  My iPhone died about an hour into the drive and so I had to try and find a radio station to listen to.  I was able to get 930am and got to hear a bunch of really good Christian speakers and many words of wisdom to hear on the drive.  These people talking got me through the drive and home safe and sound even though I was so exhausted.  Thanks God for your words through these people; and my drive home safely.

Day 183

I had supper with a friend that I didn't really know that well before.  She was the first person I had met when I started going to church and for some reason right away I really felt connected to her.  She's moved now and I was going to be in her community so I called her and we were able to get together for supper.  God really did place her in my path.  She has had a similar background to I and she is now a Christian and living for God.  Is she tempted at times, yep, am I, yep.  It was so comforting to know that I'm not alone in this struggle and that someone out there knows exactly how I feel.  Thanks God for this friend and letting me know that even though I know you are always around sometimes its nice to know someone on earth feels the same way too.

Day 182

I'm halfway through a year!!!!  A miracle in itself that I've kept up with this each day and am able to recognize a miracle each and every day.  Thank you God for 182 days of gifts!!!!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Day 181

Well I'm pretty sure God has blessed me with the man I will marry.  He is just so nice!  Thanks God for placing this wonderful man in my path and for the rocky path that I went on to meet him.  A few less than appetizing apples has made me realize that the good apples really are worth the wait.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Day 180

I have a married couple as some dear friends.  I really am blessed to have them in my life.  I've never had an older sister and she be my older sister if I ever had one.  Tonight I had them over for supper.  Just the couple, their kids were busy so it was Jacob and I and them.  We enjoyed each other's company over supper and then after supper the man went and played with Jacob and she and I had the heart to heart about her concerns about the new relationship.  Much like an older sister would do.  I appreciate this friend so much and her role in my life in that capacity.  She and I have disagreements and we know that and its okay.  At the end of the day we love each other too much to let a minor difference of opinions get in the way of our friendship.  They've been the people in my life that I knew I can always count on at the drop of a hat and vice versa.  I know God has blessed each of us for each other.  Thanks God!

Day 179

Yesterday I had said I wanted to teach Jacob who his dad was.  Well that didn't take long.  I asked him this evening who his dad was and with a great big shout and enthusiasm he replied, "GOD!"  He gets is; thanks God!

Day 178

There are so many little things that I could recognize as miracles today; not getting a parking ticket when the meter ran out.  Apparently the woman who monitors really enjoys giving tickets.  Driving home safely today; I was super tired and yet the roads were dry and clear and I was able to make it home safe and sound.  Jacob being just ecstatic to see me when I got home.  Listening on the drive to various speakers and getting something from each and every one of them.  The most would have been when I listened to Mark Driscoll talk about praying to God.  I finally got it.  God is my dad. Why I felt that it was such a much more formal relationship when I thought of him as father I don't know.  However when I heard him talk about talking to God like your dad I got it.  He's everyone's dad, he's always there and he wants to hear from you; just like your human dad.  So I decided today to start teaching Jacob who his dad is.  I've been teaching him about God for awhile now and he asks about things that God made and where God is and we pray.  Now I  want him to know that God is his dad.  He every once in awhile says this word and I think its because he hears it at the sitters; now I can tell him exactly who his dad is and have an answer for him.  Thanks God for being Dad!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Day 177

This morning I wondered if I should call a friend and get together for supper.  This is a friend that I really don't know that well but she was the first person who introduced herself to me when I started going to church and now she's moved away and I was going to be in the same town she lives now.  I did, I emailed and asked if she wanted to get together.  She was able to get together.  Prayer answered.  Not about getting together but my prayer last week was asking God to put someone in my circle that I could talk to openly about my struggle with temptation and sin.  I have not known God my entire life and sometimes I feel quite alone in this life.  My Christian friends don't seem to have had similar pasts to me, and my non-Christian friends don't live like i do now so I struggle with finding someone who I can share the struggles with.  This friend tonight has lead a similar past to I and I felt like I was no longer alone.  There are people like me out there, that have lead sinful pasts and now have a relationship with God but that old life still creeps in and is tempting, why is it tempting?  Well there's no guilt for doing things that God doesn't approve of if you don't believe in Him.  When you believe in God and have a relationship with him then you know when you are disappointing him.  When you are disobeying.  God is really your father and if you constantly are breaking the rules think of how disappointed your human parents get, God is no different.  So anyways, thanks God for this friend, her openness, the time together, and the start of a new, better friendship.

Day 175

So I spent the greater part of the weekend with D and off and on the conversation of God and church would pop up.  Today he brought it up though, inquisitively.  He asked open heartily how I started going to church, from my mouth I found the words coming, "I've always known I wanted a relationship with God........."  Not to go to church, not to believe in God, not to go to heaven, but a relationship with God.  This is truly the most honest answer I could have given and it easily and simply came from my mouth.  I then went on to explain how God is in my life and what that means to how I live my life, how I raise Jacob.  So then I asked D, "you and church?"  Well he used to go with his grandmother and he hasn't gone in years.  He said that he just can't seem to find the time but that really is a pretty poor excuse because "there is always time for that and I need to make the time"  did you read that right??  He needs to make the time to go to church?  Yes, you did!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Thank you God for his open heart to begin to know you.  Prayer definitely answered!

Day 174

All day I kept telling myself that God doesn't have to give me a sign to show he's listening.  I don't need to test God to prove he cares.  That's not what I'm supposed to do.  I was a wee bit on edge though because even though D had told me that he would come over tonight a mutual friend had told me he was going to basically tempt D not to see me tonight.  The mutual friend has issues and thinks that D and I should not move so fast.  The friend can take his opinion and do with it something I won't say on this blog.  So in my heart I knew that D would come and resist temptation but in my mind I worried a little, maybe only 15% of me worried, but still it was a worry.  Well the 15% was wasteful worry because D came.  God thanks for just putting my mind to ease that this is indeed real and this indeed is a gift from you and a prayer answered.  Thanks.

Day 173

Tonight was my date night. Was it everything that I hoped and wanted?  Yep.  Was there easy conversation, was he a gentleman?  Yep.  Will there be more dates?  Yep.  Do I think I had my last first?  Yep.  Thank you God for this man, who is kind, respectful, open, handsome, humble, and good.  As you can tell I'm smitten.  Okay, if any women read this blog I know you are all thinking, when is she going to get to the details?  Well we went for a few drinks and then to a friends for her birthday.  There he met some of my friends and my pastor and family.  This was a great opening to him knowing that I'm a Christian and God is a big part of my life.  So thanks God for that opening, because honestly I didn't know how that would come up.  Thank you for the ease in the conversation, the laughs, the fun, the entire night.  Thank you for this man!  This is definitely a miracle because this was something I have been praying for, a man who may become my husband, this man has all those qualities that I was looking for.

Day 172

My co-worker had a healthy bouncing baby girl; everyone is happy and no complications.  Thanks God!

Day 171

I tend not to talk a lot about God at work.  I can remember reading that you were supposed to go to work to do God's work because that is where he put you but that you weren't supposed to go there with the intent of preaching about him.  You may wonder why but it is because if I spent all my time focusing on when I could talk to others about God how much effort would I be putting into my own job?  So you would sort of be considered to be stealing time from your employer; not something that God would approve of!  So long story short is that I don't talk about God unless someone brings it up to me.  Today that did happen though and my co-worker had questions about my upcoming date and what if he wasn't as open to God as I and how would that fit.  I went into the entire explanation of what the bible says about a Christian marrying a non Christian and then that lead into what it meant to be a Christian and then that lead into the difference between a person who is saved and what that means after death.  I have never spoken so frankly and openly at work but the words were just flowing and she kept asking questions.  So thanks God for giving the time to do your work today amidst our busy lives and her being open to hearing.  In your time.  Thanks God!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Day 170

Do you realize that in 12 more days I will have had a miracle a day for 6 entire months?
Yesterday wasn't a great day and I went to bed knowing that I was going to take a "mental health" day today.  I started this blog to never lose sight of God.  To always think about him each and every day and be thankful each and every day, never become complacent.  I've been complacent before, thinking that I had enough of him but really I've never had enough of him.  I can and will forever be pursuing him more and more.  Well this date thing is challenging me and my relationship with God.  If you aren't a Christian you may not get this so let me explain.  God is first in my life, even before Jacob, I love God the most.  So God wants me to marry a Christan.  How do I know this, well he told me.  "Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? " 2 Corinthians 6:14. 
Now wickedness refers to all those that are not saved and accepting of Jesus Christ.  So now that I know this, it is a struggle.  I know you may be thinking, it's just a date. Yeah, a date that if it goes really well there will be a second, third, engagement, marriage.  Not really that fast but you get what I'm saying.  Why would I go on a date if I didn't want to think about pursuing marriage with someone.  I know not everyone thinks like I do but this is how I think and have always thought.  So my struggle is that the date is not a Christian.  Is he open to church and God, not sure.  I think so, but not sure.  So I struggle with living in a Godly manner and also having the temptation of the world around me.  I struggle with what my life used to be like.  I don't have very many Christian friends, and no friends, either than one cousin, that has a similar past to me.  I wasn't raised in a religious home of any sort.  So there were no "rules" of any God's sort to live and abide by.  I have a past, I've done sinful things.  I struggle to explain to my Christian friends this because I don't get the impression that any of them have done the things that I've done and so now I struggle.  The only way I can explain it is heroin.  I have no idea how a person would get addicted to it and give up their entire life for the drug, I can sit back and say just clean yourself up.  However I don't understand it.  I've never had to live that life.  So like some of my friends who I perceive have always or almost always done the right thing life is easier if you've never known the dark.  Okay, so what is my miracle of the day?  The answer that God has provided me with.  You know that saying, "God will never give you more than you can handle"?  Well it's always used in the wrong context.  Here's the right context, aka bible verse: " The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure." 1 Corinthians 10:13.  So God thank you for this miracle of your word and it always having the answers in it.  Thank you for showing me a way out when the temptation gets to be too much.  I'm just realizing though that all day I've felt very alone in this situation and the beginning of this verse tells me that temptations in my life are no different from others.  So God I guess I'm not alone.  Again, thank you.

Day 169

I don't know if Jacob is becoming more at home as time goes on, or more like me.  I think that for the most part I'm a pretty optimistic, and happy person.  Lately Jacob is always in a good mood.  I've noticed that he's always in a great mood but today a friend even called to tell me how he was in a great mood this morning when she dropped her daughter off.  He's just happy all the time!  What a blessing he is my little Mogley (nickname of the week).  We just watched the Jungle Book this past weekend and now he's in love with it, so I'm calling Mogley.  Which is kind of ironic because when I first met him with his shaggy hair and wildness about him I thought he reminded me of Mogley.  Anyways, thanks God for this happy little boy that now always says "love you mommy" before he goes to sleep and then wakes up with a big smile on his face and is happy to see me.  Thanks God!

Day 168

A wonderful lady in our church hosts a ladies brunch every month or so.  I look forward to it each time and the time to visit with other ladies, mostly Christian ladies.  I enjoy the refreshing conversation and the fellowship and sharing the struggles of life.  Ladies brunch is my miracle of the day; a wonderful bunch of ladies, good food, and God, what more could you ask for?

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Day 167

So for a while now, well to be accurate, a few years, I've been praying for a mate.  For someone who I could date and marry.  For a little while, a month or two, a potential match has been inquiring about me but he couldn't get my phone number, our mutual friend wouldn't give it to him and that in itself is a long story so I'm not going to get into it here.  My friend had good reasons why he wouldn't share it.  Well finally the match was persistent enough that my friend shared my number.  Within two minutes the match called and asked for a date.  Date was set for next weekend and then we chatted for almost an hour before I had to let him go to put Jacob to bed.  This man is a man of good character that I would compare him to my good friends whom I look at their husbands and say "that's the type of man I'd like to be with".  So did God answer my prayer?  I'm hoping so.

Day 166

You know how they say to keep your eyes on the road when driving?  Well I was multi-tasking; I know something you shouldn't do while driving.  All of a sudden I was partially in the ditch.  Thankfully I just eased back on the road and safely continued the rest of my journey.  How often does this happen and we don't take the time to thank God for that little/big miracle.  I could have easily rolled my vehicle today but God said, nope, not your day today.  So thanks God!

Day 165

 A friend who we, Jacob and I, and my church, had been praying for is starting to show signs of recuperation!  HUGE Miracle!  So now we all will just continue to pray for her recovery but also praise God for his healing hand.  He does listen and this is proof.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Day 164

I've been exploring different school options for Jacob.  I don't really know which school, or if I even wanted Jacob to go to school but instead home school him.  Tonight I went to a presentation at one of the local schools.  I was able to ask questions that were important to me regarding his education and I've made my decision!  This was something that I was praying about because I didn't have an idea of what to do.  Send him to the school that my friends send their kids; send him to the elementary; the french school; or attempt to home school and work full time.  My decision is to send him to the french school.  I have several reasons for wanting to do this; the biggest is classroom sizes.  The grade five class this year has 8 kids!  Seriously how much one on one are the kids getting; this sold me.  The language really is the last thing of importance to me.  The others were post secondary stats; last couple of years it has been  100% of graduates going on to post secondary.  The other thing is that it is such a small school that the principal knows everyone; plus since it is so small there isn't as much bullying because they are able to keep a better handle on things and discipline.  So although my decision wasn't popular at first after explaining all my reasons I think people/my family knows where I'm coming from and understand.  So a couple of miracles today; decision and understanding!

Day 163

Tonight I brought Jacob to my small group meeting.  Typically he goes to my parents on this night and so I enjoy adult time while learning more about God and building my relationship with Him.  Tonight though I decided to bring Jacob with me; he's come a few other times so it wasn't a big deal, I thought.  That is until the other little boy, who's only 1 went to bed and then Jacob decided that he had enough of our visiting time and kept repeating over and over that he wanted to go home.  "I wanna go home mom, come".  Yes how fun; for 20 minutes off and on he kept repeating this same phrase in a lovely whiny tone.  However I see this as a miracle.  Yes I do.  Jacob has changed so much in a year.  He knows I'm mom, he knows where home is; he knows that home is a safe and comfortable place for him.  So my son's whining makes me happy after the fact.  Thanks God for my son, whining and all.

Day 162

A few years ago I started going to church; at first I went by myself and then I started bringing my friends kids with me; then sometimes my nieces.  Eventually my friends also started coming; bringing their own kids.  Today I sat and watched how my friends husband brought his daughter.  How things have changed and God has worked in all of their hearts so that they always come to church now.  Even when one can't make it the other half comes and sets an example to the whole family.  Thanks God for stirring up their hearts and then wanting a relationship with you.

Day 161

One of my very bestest friends has been trying to get pregnant for the last few years.  There have been a couple of pregnancies and both ended early on.  Then for the past year or so there has been no sign of pregnancy.  Today she told me she saw two pink lines and she's 7 weeks along!!!!   Thanks God for blessing her and her husband with this gift; now please give them another miracle of the pregnancy lasting until term!

Day 160

In the past few weeks I've really started to teach Jacob about God.  We've always said supper prayers and I sing a Christian song before bed to him each night.  I've thought though that there is more I could be doing.  So we've started praying more, on the way to the sitters for the day, at the end of the day right before we say goodnight.  I've started to ask Jacob who he would like to pray for when we say these prayers.  Tonight we talked about how God made everything.  Jacob then ran through all of his body parts, each time asking if God made.....yep.  Then we talked about God being everywhere.  Lately Jacob will say he's scared.  So I've told him that he just needs to ask for God's help and God will protect him so he doesn't need to be scared.  Jacob asked if "God come to supper?"  Absolutely!  He's getting it, Miracle of the day.

Day 159

I don't think that I am a "preachy" friend.  I think that the majority/all my friends know that I believe and have a relationship with God.  I'm open to telling them whatever they want to hear but I often wait for them to bring up questions instead of me  approaching the subject.  I do that because if I was always pushing people to have a relationship with God then I would worry that I would actually turn them off instead of towards.  My blogs and facebook though are my own venues and so I do say what I want on them and people can either choose to read or not.
So the point of this miracle is that a friend asked for prayer on facebook and then quickly took it off.  I saw it though and since she asked for a specific prayer Jacob and I are praying.  The miracle is that I happened to be online and see it and that even though I know she questions the whole existence of God she did ask for help when she needed it.  I read the bible daily and within the next month or so I will have read the entire bible, now just because I did it once I'm not quitting. I will continue to read the bible everyday and get through it cover to cover in one year.  The bible really does have all the answers to life.  Today the scripture that comes to mind is this:
Job 36:15 "But God saves those who suffer through their suffering; he gets them to listen through their pain."
So what does this mean?  Well you know that famous saying, "God will never give you more than you can handle"?  It's not true.  God does give you more than you can handle sometimes and this is when you are to turn to Him and ask for help.  So my dear friend, He does listen, and He will help.  Miracle of the day!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Day 158

The regular babysitters have gone on holidays and I had so much anxiety about Jacob going to a new sitters for a week.  I was worried about him not feeling secure and then regressing.  However I attempted to keep all my emotions about this to myself.  So he is going to one of the other little girls who, he has basically known almost as long as he's known me, grandmother's.  He's met the grandma before and she's watched him for about an hour or so before but he's seen her a few times.  So this morning I prepared him, told him that he was going to Mrs.______ and that S would be there and that he would stay there for lunch and then after his nap I would come back and pick him up.  He was totally fine.  Didn't cry at all when I dropped him off.  He did cry some when I picked him up but he sometimes does that.  I have this whole theory about little kids and stress.  I think that their little bodies get stressed when they don't know all the particulars of what is going on and so then they become more anxious and then in turn are more hungry, tired, etc.  Then when they see mom or dad they melt.  They've been putting on this act of bravery all day long, not knowing exactly what is going on but they are having fun and so even though they miss you their little systems are anxious.  Then when they see mom and dad it's like, "oh I missed you so much throughout the day but now you're here and I can't tell you how I missed you so instead I'll be emotional over the littlest things."  Just a theory.  However back to the miracle, thanks God for listening to my prayer and concerns and making Jacob feel secure and okay today and that everything would be okay!

Day 157

I was in a course in the city all day today; it's part 2 of an 18 month course with 5 or so face to face meetings in it.  Today was part 2.  I know I mentioned this course before about not being put in a group with the young woman who is an animal activist.  So going on to who is in my group.  Well see that is another miracle!  There is a man who I saw pray before eating in my group, a young woman who is moving to St. Paul and she talked about which church she will be going to when she moves, although not mine, it is a Christian church.  So I'm not sure about where all the other's stand but so far there is one fellow Christian in the group.  I'm not going to make assumptions about the man praying because there are many religions that pray, so I can't assume that he is Christian.  So after this little rambling on thanks God for giving me a fellow Christian who is soon to be neighbors as well in my group!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Day 156

I had a decision to make and I really didn't know what to do about it.  I find that there are some things that I really wish I had a husband to make the final decision about; or discuss it with and then we could make a decision together.  It doesn't happen often but there are times when I really have no opinion and wish that if I had a husband he would have an opinion and make the decision.  Today I was able to make the decision I was facing because God just gave me the information I needed to make the decision very easy.  So I guess He's my fill-in husband/decision maker right now and I'm good with that!  So Thanks God for deciding that for me!

Day 155

I got a text from a friend today that she and I have been trying to get together for months now.  Finally I made the time.  She sent me a text and I decided that I'd put off getting together long enough.  After naps we packed up and headed to visit my friend and her family.  We spent the majority afternoon and part of the evening together and visiting.  It was great and I thank God for the time and making the time to get together today.

Day 154

Have you ever prayed and then years later realize you got the answer and think, "man I really didn't want the answer"?  This is exactly what happened to me today.  Unfortunately I am not going to blog about the situation; I'm a pretty open person but this topic just crosses some boundaries that I'm not willing to make public right now.  However I am going to write about the fact that a prayer that I've had for about 20+ years was answered today.  God performed this little miracle in my life and let me know that He does listen and He does answer, just in His time, not mine.  Thanks though!

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Day 153

Well I've prayed about something for 15+ years off and on and never felt like I got an answer.  I didn't get a crystal clear answer today but I got a piece of the puzzle answered.  When I was 5 I was molested by my older cousin.  He was in his late teens at the time; old enough to know better.  From the age of 12 I've wondered when I would press charges.  It was never a question of "if I would do it" it was "when would I do it?"  There are several reasons why it has not happened.  One is that his mother is one of my if not my favorite aunt.  I didn't know if she knew, I didnt' know how to bring it up and I didn't want her to feel like I blamed her at all.  I blame no one, not even my cousin.  Crap happens in life, and this is just part of my story.  I don't believe in dwelling in the past, something I can't ever change, it happened, I acknowledge it, move on.  However the part that I can't move on from is the guilt that I feel when I think that he may have abused others.  I know he has, some before/during the same time as me and its suspected that there are some after.  Now he has children, two daughters that I know of.  The guilt that I feel about these girls creeps up.  Coincidentally guilt is one thing that I pray about and is on my list of things and I haven't been able to cross it off yet.  Okay, rambling on.  The next reason is my dad.  I know that my dad has guilt over this and that he wasn't able to protect me.  I don't want him to feel like this.  It wasn't his fault and honestly I would never change anything about my life and so I'll take the good with the bad and this is just part of the bad.  The other is the other suspected and confirmed victims.  I dont' want to force them to say anything but at the same time the more stories there are the better chance of conviction. 
So what is the miracle.  Well, I've been praying about what to do about this for years.  Today out of the blue my aunt, his mom, said she wanted to ask my advice about a situation because she knew I'd experienced the same thing with her son.  I was flabbergasted, my response was, "how did you know about ***** and I?"  She said that she had always known but that she was waiting for me to bring it up.  I told her that I would have never brought it up because I didn't want her to feel guilt about it.  She said that she had gone to counselling and that she always hoped that I would go forward and press charges.  Miracle one!  So there's my answer to that hesitation.  Now the funny thing is that for as much as you pray sometimes and you think that you know what you want once you get it now your not so sure.  I'm sure, I think though that this is the scariest thing I will ever do.  Scary because it unveils a family secret that could hurt people.  His wife, his kids, my family, my dad, my aunt, me.  However I will do it.  It is just when.  I'm going to set a date in my head and I will do it by then.  I think the only way to get rid of my guilt is to do something about it.  So even though I didn't think I'd ever get the answer, thank you God for answering my prayer. 

Day 152

Today we had a speech assessment for Jacob.  It was with the speech pathologist.  She and I had a discussion and I think I get where she is coming from now and she sees where I'm coming from.  I've been a bit oversensitive about this, I know, and I'm trying to be open.  Today she explained that she feels compared to her counterparts she probably keeps kids on longer than she should but she just wants to give them as much as she can.  She explained how their minds are like sponges and so she likes to let them absorb as much now.  I agree, and now hearing that she knows she over serves people I understand it and don't feel like "there is something wrong with my kid" as much as she just over serves kids.  I'm okay with that.  I told her that we would be continuing to come until she said we have to stop, I explained that I am not fond of the idea of speech but that I will everything for my child, he is first.  So until she tells us to stop we will be going.  I'm glad we had this conversation and now have a mutual understanding of where we are.  On the other note she does want to take a break for the remainder of spring, just one or two more appointments and then do another assessment a few months down the road to see if he still needs to come or not.

Day 151

I was driving doing my errands this afternoon and then all of a sudden I heard "pop" when I turned and then it was hard to turn my steering wheel.  I went to the local garage and asked them to look at it because I was pretty sure it was my power steering pump/hose.  Yep, it was.  Now not only was it that but my tie rod ends were also shot and they needed to be fixed.  I asked for a quote; over $600!!!!  Now for several months now I've done something I've never done before.  I started saving, I know I'm pathetic, 31 years old and finally I've started to be responsible and save money.  So I have the money to fix my jeep but the even better news and miracle of this all is that I actually don't have to touch my savings.  This month the way the pay periods work I get 3 paychecks, bonus!  So I was going to at first go shopping with the extra money, then I thought twice and was going to do the responsible thing and put the extra money in savings.  However now that the jeep is going to cost that much I will just use the money for that.  So thanks God for keeping my jeep running smoothly until I had the extra money available to get it all fixed.  See miracles do happen!!

Day 150

Today was an easy miracle to find; the roads were horrible tonight, it was snowing and visibility really wasn't good but, I made it home safe and sound.  Thanks God!

Day 149

Today I was in meetings for older folks on my caseload.  I got to thinking back to when I first started my job and how I was afraid to ask certain questions, even though it was my job I was still apprehensive about how much I should ask.  Now I know that I need to ask these questions for the betterment of my people's lives.  I need to ask the doctors why they would put an 88 year old on an anti-psychotic medication when prior to admission this person had lived a pretty normal life!  Seriously, you wouldn't believe how many elderly people in long term cares are on anti-psychotic medication.  So I do ask the questions now and I dont' care about ruffling feathers; its my job to ask and I'm going to do it well.  So how is this my miracle, well in my own personal life I've learned to be an advocate for Jacob as well and to not just take what the professionals say.  In January we had an appointment at a mental health run agency, my referral was asking for strategies to help Jacob deal with change and cope better so that he felt secure.  We left with the "professionals" saying there wasn't much they could do for us because he was coping well, I recognized what the issues were and seemed to be handling it well.  They said that I would be getting a report with the outcome of the assessment and that would be it.  Well not so; I got a phone message today saying that they had an appointment for us scheduled with the psychiatrist for March 17th, it would be an hour and a half long and then they would set up services for us in my home community.  I was totally caught off guard and angry.  I called my mom, who attended the appointment with me and asked her what her impression had been when we left, same as mine.  I wanted to be sure that i hadn't misinterpreted the end of the meeting.  Nope, she thought same as me, get a report case closed.  So I called back and left a message, "Thank you for your call but I'm a little confused because I felt I was lead to believe at the end of our meeting that I would get a report and that would be the end of our services with you.  Before I commit to seeing a psychiatrist I would like to know the purpose of the visit and what the reasoning behind the visit is.  So if you could clarify this for me and we could discuss further I'd appreciate it.  Thank you."  So i was still fuming.  What had changed, how could I get out of this without looking like I wasn't seeing all the needs of my child.  Then it came to me.  On the lovely referral form that I had filled out I had said that the reason for referral was to "seek out strategies in helping my son cope with change."  My confusion lies in that the counsellors, who I would see on a regular basis said that there was nothing that they could recommend and then some psychiatrist reads a report and all of a sudden we need to see them and have "services", nope don't think so.  The referral didn't ask for a diagnosis; and then counselling sessions ongoing; it asked for strategies to cope with change, you couldn't provide any so looks like we're done by your own admission!  As I write you may get that I'm still a bit ticked.  I'm ticked because kids get these labels and then they are stuck with them for life.  So I will be having an appointment and asking them to refer to my referral form and tell me what "STRATEGIES" they can suggest and that is all; I don't want to hear the rest of it.  I hear so many labels and none are good; they are useless, with the exception of if you need funding, which we don't, and all they do is cookie cutter someone.  SO back to my miracle, thanks God for giving me the knowledge to not just accept what the professionals say and let me form my own opinion and realize that I can and will ask the tough questions for the betterment of everyone in my life, clients or son.

Day 148

I'm sure I've mentioned before that I belong to a small group.  I think this would be the equivalent to what people think a bible study is; only we don't study the bible.  Its a group of people that get together that want to further their relationship with God and together we support each other in that relationship.  I have been with the same group for a few years now; some of the people have changed; some are still the same people.  I am one of the few in the group that did not grow up in a religious home of any sort.  Some have grown up in Christian homes, some in legalistic religious homes, some in Catholic homes, but all have had some form of "God-knowing" in their home.  I have not.  Some things that they just have always done are a struggle for me; it just hasn't been part of my lifestyle growing up so it's not a natural thing.  So sometimes in our small group we will discuss things and there are very different perspectives on things because of each of our own backgrounds and childhoods.  I would have to say that I would be the one in the group that has the least amount of Christian friends.  So a  few weeks ago the topic of premarital sex came up.  I explained that this is really a struggle to work through in my life. I now do not want to have sex again before I'm married.  I've shared this with some of my friends and they tell me that they think that it isn't really a big deal to have sex before marriage.  Even though I tell them that i don't want to because of my belief that it is a sin they say oh well it isn't that big deal and how are you going to ever find someone with this same belief.  I then told my small group this and they were all shocked that people who were my friends wouldn't support me with this.  But it's a different world that they dont' know at all.  So I get where my non-Christian friends are coming from, I used to think the same. Enough about my non-existent sex life; on to what is the miracle of today.  That I realized that my small group doesn't need me, but I need them.  They don't need me because they all have a relationship with God already; but I do need them because I do have so many friends that could sway me to change my beliefs and backslide like I've done so before.  I need my small group to keep me on track and be my place to get filled up with God when I feel like I may be settling for the world's ways again.  So the other piece to this is though that I do need my non-Christian friends in my too.  The weekend I became a Christian a piece of scripture stood out to me and never has left.  "Leave everything and I will make fishers of men of you".  It's in Luke, I'm not going to look it up right now and I know I should have the numbers memorized but I don't, I'm working on it.  Anyways, Jesus didn't hang around other Christians and priests, he hung around sinners.  This is who I hang out with, sinners, my small group doesn't need me, they are all already saved, but my friends aren't and I can't save them but I can sure be there when they have questions and share the message with them. SO thanks God for bringing this to my attention tonight; it was literally a light bulb moment.  Thanks for my small group and all of my friends; whetherI need them or they need me I'm so happy that you've put me right where I am right now.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Day 147

I have a prayer that I say for my dad.  I came across it in a book that is actually titled, "praying for you children through the scriptures".   It's a prayer though that can apply to anyone.  I'm starting to see small signs of my things leading up to my prayer being answered.  The prayer is "Please God let my dad live long enough to be saved by you."  I'm not asking for health and happiness but instead God's salvation.  I pray it for Jacob too, and a few other people in my life but next to Jacob my dad I pray for it the most.  Today in church I saw him looking over my mom's shoulder to read her bible.  He has never even shown any interest in the bible or seeing what the pastor is saying yet today for whatever reason he wanted to read it as well as hear it.  Guess what I'm getting him for Father's day?  Yep, a large print bible!  He doesn't have a bible and why should he be left out!  Thanks God for speaking to him and please let him long enough to be saved.

Day 146

Jacob so far has only 3 other first cousins; 2 other cousins that are my very good friends kids and they are a bit older than him.  I never really knew many of my second cousins.  Jacob is luckier than I.  He has a lot of second cousins that are close in age to him.  Today we were invited to his first real kid party and it was his second cousin Charity's birthday.  Charity turned 5, she is my cousin's oldest daughter and she has a younger brother who is 2.  What fun they all had playing and eating cake, watching her open her presents.  Jacob had lots of "oooo's" and "wow!".  Quite a cute thing to hear actually.  Even though I doubt he was that interested in the barbies he made all the right oo's and ah's over them!  So God I'm thankful for the miracle of us living close to some of my extended family and that we have maintained a close relationship as adults now.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Day 145

As life gets busy once a person has a family I find that I don't see and spend as much time with my nieces and nephew anymore.  Today we got to spend time together; we went swimming and then for lunch and then we went and did a bit of shopping.  It was good to spend some time with them and I'm so thankful that we all live close enough that we can just spend an afternoon together if timing permits.  I think of so many families that live great distances from each other and how travel sometime doesn't permit seeing each other more than a few times a year.  How lucky am I?!  Thanks God for this closeness not only in distance but also in relationships.
I have another miracle.  I'm reading the bible daily.  By middle of March I think I'll have read it from cover to cover.  I say I think because it is a daily bible that gives you an old testament reading, psalms, proverbs, and new testament reading each day.  I don't remember exactly which day it was that I started.  All of a sudden in March though I see where I've underlined some scripture so this is about where I'm assuming I started reading daily.  Now that I'm almost done I can't wait to read it again!  I'm hoping this will just be part of my daily routine, like brushing my teeth is.   Right now I'm reading Leviticus.  This is the book where God gave a whole bunch of rules to Moses and Aaron.  I have a tonne of questions about why and how society was developed and how we still follow some of these same principles today.  My miracle is that I have a pastor that I can ask all of these questions to and he will sit down with me and answer them.  Tonight I went over to my pastor and wife's home for coffee.  We pulled out the bibles and had a great discussion of all my questions.  How lucky am I that I can ask these questions and he doesn't brush me off or tell me not to question the bible, to just follow it.  I recently heard that a pastor in our community has told people that they shouldn't take the bible to heart and it is really not written for today times.  WHAT???!!!  Really?!  Then why is it that we still follow the same rules today?!  Society does, not just Christians.  The whole judicial system was handed down in Leviticus, how we determine crimes today is exactly how God declared what were crimes in the time of Moses.  Or how about this one, that farmers still summer fallow their land, something God told Moses and Aaron to tell the people to do!   So thanks God for my pastor, his wife, and their openness to my questions.

Day 144

A few days ago I commented that Jacob goes to BG club.  Today BG club is the miracle of the day.  Jacob goes on most Thursdays; it started in September and goes until May, I think.  The cost was $25 and it is every Thursday from 6:30-8:00pm.  They sing songs then separate into their different age categories and hear a bible story, do a craft, have a snack and play games.  So why is this my miracle?  Well a couple reasons.  I knew that I wanted Jacob to participate in something on his own to socialize him with other children.  I also wanted something to send him to that was affordable, I wanted something that would teach him values, and this obviously fits with us.  I also have the belief that it takes a community to raise a child.  There he is getting an awareness of other rules and other adults and that it doesn't matter where you are there are rules and you have to follow them.  I had been concerned because at first he would cry when I dropped him off, this slowly dwindled.  My other concern has been that he probably doesn't talk very much to them.  Jacob tends to not talk to strangers at all.  Even if I am right there it takes a lot of coaxing for him to say hi.  I know this isn't such a bad thing but when he goes to school I'm hoping he will talk and not take 6 months to open up to the teachers.  Tonight I checked in with the leaders at BG club to see how he was doing.  The comments were that he is really starting to open up and talk a lot there.  FABULOUS!!!!  There are no other concerns; just that at the beginning he really didn't talk to them much at all but now he's starting to open up a lot.  Great, just what I wanted to hear.  I know that when he goes to school it probably won't take this long because he will be going more often than only once a week so he will become familiar much sooner and talk.  This was just the reassurance I needed to hear though.  Thanks God!

Day 143

Have you ever been in a situation where you didn't really know what was going on with a relationship and wondered how to figure it out?  I have found myself in this situation a number of times throughout my life.  Relationships just don't come easy to me.  I haven't had that many and can't say that they have been very positive; well they all ended so what does that tell you?!  I have to say though that my miracle of the day is that I'm okay with being single.  I've never felt the "need" to have a companion.  I've never forced a relationship if it wasn't there.  I have always been very secure and happier being alone than being in a relationship that made me miserable.  So thanks God for giving me this outlook on life and being with just me!

Day 142

I was not raised in a Christian family.  I was raised in a family that believed in God and went to church on special occasions but not much more than that.  I've found this is something that I am leaning to others to teach me how to raise my children in a Christian home.  Going to church on Sundays doesn't cut it in my mind; being a Christian is daily.  So some of the things that we do is we pray at almost all meals; for sure every meal that we sit at the table for we pray before we eat.  Our pray incorporates a memory verse as part of his BG club.  He goes to BG club where he plays with other kids, sings songs, and does crafts all in the spirit of God.  I sing Jacob a Christian song before bed every night; I love hearing him say "sing King".  He knows that the cross is a representation of Jesus and if you ask him who's cross it is he tells you "Jesus cross".  I tell him that there are no such things as monsters and that God is all around to protect him.  He watches veggie tales and quite likes "the tomato".  I was reading him bible stories before but all of my kids bibles didn't seem to really interest him so I had stopped for awhile.  A few nights ago I brought it out again and decided that I wanted to read him the bible again.  I started back at the very beginning and tonight was the second story; Adam and Eve.  Jacob listened so intently and pointed out Adam, the apple, the snake, Eve.  It lead into a much longer story than the book because he asked questions.  So my prayer has been answered and I am raising Jacob in a Christian home; I just needed that reassurance that he was indeed "getting it".  Thanks God!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Day 141

I am so thankful that I live where I do; I truly mean that.  For as much as I complain about the weather I am so happy that I live in Canada, in Alberta, in St. Paul!  Today is Family Day in Alberta and that means a holiday.  A holiday to celebrate family; how fabulous is that?!  To live in a province that promotes family so much so that we have a holiday for it!  People say that Albertans are busy people and are fast paced but that we have a holiday to celebrate family really does show where are roots are.  Thanks God for where I am!

Day 140

Have you ever heard a song that moved you to tears?  Have you ever been in a situation and for whatever reason you are overcome with emotion and are in tears?  I have.  It sometimes happens in church.  I stand in awe looking at this wooden cross tied with rope and it's roughness and look at where Jesus died for my sins so that I may have everlasting life in heaven.  Today in church a woman in front of me was in tears, she wasn't sobbing by any means but I noticed the continually wiping of the edge of her eyes and then her daughter, maybe 8 or so saw the same as I.  The daughter went out and then came back and gave her mother tissues that she had gone to the bathroom to get for her mom.  Then she just kept watching her mother moved to tears.  The daughter probably was a little confused but was kind enough to understand that all her mom needed right now was tissue, not questions, but love and compassion, the tissue may seem like not a big deal but really it is.  That this little girl just knew that she needed to do something to help her mom right then and did so almost moved me to tears.  The way the daughter looked at her mother in love is truly God's gift.  Thanks God for your love.

Day 139

Jacob was bit on the cheek by my dog the other night.  I was worried that it had become infected and that I made the wrong decision not taking him to the hospital that night.  The reason that I didn't take him in was actually because I was worried I was going to pass out, and I thought that was riskier to drive than to try going and getting it looked at.  I patched it up myself and then kept cleaning it each day.  Today we went to the hospital and saw the doctor.  Yes unfortunately the wound was infected so he was put on antibiotics but the good news was that the doctor said that they wouldn't have stitched it so yes I probably should have gone that night but everything was going to be okay now that we had antibiotics.  Thank you God for directing me to make part of the right decision.

Day 138

A friend asked me if I wanted to go out tonight.  I am so thankful to have some great friends that I was able to leave Jacob with.  People that he thinks of as aunty and uncle and his cousins.  I dressed him up in his pj's and took him over to hang out until I was done and would pick him up after.  To my surprise I got a phone call while I was out and they offered to keep Jacob overnight so I was able to even sleep in in the morning if I wanted to!  This is a very nice little gift from the kindness of my friends hearts!

Day 136

Tonight was the first meeting for next New Year's Eve!!!  I know early but we decided that it was better to meet once a month throughout the year to do any extra stuff that could be done in advance.  We had a great meeting and we all seem to always agree on all decisions, even when we think we might not all agree we end up agreeing!  What a blessing it has to meet with these women and form this group and work for the greater cause together.  Thanks God for each other, the time together and our agreeableness!

Day 135

Jacob has been going to speech for almost a year now and I've prayed that his speech would catch up and that one day I would finally hear, "he's done we're closing the file."  Well today my prayers are that much closer to being answered.  We have an appointment on March 4th for an assessment because they aren't sure what more to teach/do with him so they are thinking it might be time to close the file!!!!!  Thank you GOD!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Day 134

You know how there are some people who you come across in life that are just never happy?  I have a family like that.  When I first started working with them they weren't happy with much so I listened to their requests.  We worked through the systems and after many meetings and time we were successful in getting their requests, success!  Or so I thought, then more dissatisfaction came and more requests.  Again more meetings and again we worked together and were able to get them what they wanted.  Well now again they are unhappy and have a list of requests.  I've felt frustrated now with them because I feel like they will never be happy with anything and I haven't known how to call them on their constant dissatisfaction when in all reality they are getting their requests.  So before the meeting today I just asked for some words of wisdom to talk to them so that I didn't come off seeming like I wasn't hearing them but that I did have concern but that they needed to show some happiness with what they already had.  Oh did I mention this was a religious figure that I was meeting with too?!  You would think that would make someone not be such a negative nancy but apparently not.  So the meeting was had.  After the meeting they walked away and were happy with the results.  I then asked my counterpart if I had gotten my point across.  She said yes!  What a relief, I said what I had to say but obviously in a way that was sensitive to the situation so that the family still felt supported.  I guess my prayer asking for words of wisdom was answered!  Thanks God. 

Day 133

Today I had an early morning; I had to drive to meet a new staff who was starting in another office.  I'm so excited and thankful because this was a prayer answered.  She had stood out to me as someone who may be a good fit to our team and in our role.  I had approached her and suggested she apply and then we chatted a bit about the job, she did a tonne of research about what we do and looked in great detail on our website to get as much information as she could.  I remember on the day and close to the time of her interview I prayed to God that she would be successful in the interview and then successful in getting the job.  She was and today is her first day.  So thanks God for a prayer answered, aka miracle!

Day 132

OOOOh boy did I ever wake up cranky today.  Everything just put me in an off mood and I was on edge about everything.  Jacob seemed to be exceptionally whiny too so that just made everything that much more annoying to me.  We both had an afternoon nap and I had said a little prayer that we would wake up in a better mood.  Guess what??  We did.  Thanks God for the sleep and better moods!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Day 131

I did a trade show today.  I don't often do them, in fact this is only my second one but it was a cheap table so I figured why not.  I had a few sales so it did make it worth my time to go.  Plus I met two new people who were at the table by me and that made the day fly by.  So thanks God for the new two found friends because that is always more valuable than any money I could put in my pocket!

Day 130

My oh my oh my.  I woke up this morning and shortly after Jacob got up.  Took off his diaper, had his morning pee, had breakfast, played for a while and then all of a sudden I hear "need go pee".  DA DA, do you hear the harps????  Yes he said it, finally.  Four times today actually and no accidents!  All day he has been telling me when he had to go pee and a miracle has happened.  Thanks so much God!

Day 129

I'm taking a course through work and it is a cross ministry course in which I know no one in it.  Then we are put into small groups that will be "our" group for the next year.  We work together on different projects and really drive our own goals and projects.  It's interesting to meet other government co-workers.  I didn't know how many different jobs there were in government.  For example there is a woman in my group that audits the cost of forest fires?!  I had no clue that someone would audit that but I guess it does make sense that they need to know the cost so that they can forecast it in the future budget.  Everything always comes down to the budget. 
Okay moving on to the miracle of the day.  I had another "immediate" answered prayer.  This may sound like a super silly request but seriously I did pray about it.  In the big group we had done a meet and greet where you had to put one truth on one shoulder and one lie on the other then people had to walk around and ask yes or no questions to find out which was true and then that resulted in conversation starters.  It was engaging and fun.  So my truth, I ride horses, my lie, I raise dogs.  Another person had "I sky dive" and "I'm and animal activist".  Well the animal activist part was the truth.  Now I like animals and don't agree with puppy mills, animals being starved to death, or even want to put my dog down even though she has bitten Jacob.  I though am guilty of having an opinion on animal activists, not a good one.  I would rather see people save people than animals when it comes right down to it.  This of course is my opinion and you can choose to disagree or agree but it is my opinion.  So anyways my prayer was to not be placed in the group with the animal activist.  Guess what????  I wasn't!!! Nor was I in the group that called themselves the Buddha bunnies.  I would have had to say I don't agree with calling ourselves that name and this may have labeled me the "wierdo Christian" but I would have done it.  Nope, instead I was placed in a group that seems really good and we chose to call ourselves the 5 I'd Friendlee Giants; focus on I and E's because that is how many extroverts and introverts in our group.  Plus we have a few amiable people, hence the friendlee.  Giants because we didn't like the monster association.  Wierd and quite the long explanation but there you have it. Prayer answered, miracle of the day done!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Day 128

I went out for supper tonight to La Creperie.  I didn't eat out last night because I was pacing myself budget wise.  I was staying only a few blocks away from La Creperie and I only eat there once in a blue moon and felt like tonight was a good night to go. 
I don't mind eating in restaurants alone, I'm used to it now.  If you've ever been to this restaurant though you'll know that sometimes when you are attempting to be alone you can't be, tables are either completely by themselves in their own little nook or they are all together in one space.  I was in a spot where I couldn't help but overhear the couple a few feet away from me through the entire meal. 
It was a pleasant experience actually.  The couple, university students I'd say, were discussing their friends and how they are Christian and how they sometime feel the urge to do things that their non-Christian friends do but that they would rather be at a function with their friends and live through God than to join in.  It was great to hear how other Christians struggle.  I know I do.  One of my closest friends recently told me that they don't think of me as "The Christian".  They know that it is a huge part of my life but that I'm not pushy about it and so I'm not seen as the wonky "Christian".  I do struggle though.  Don't get me wrong, I love God but I do struggle with always thinking "am I living holy, the way God wants me to?"
Hearing fellow Christians with the same struggle is a comfort that I'm not alone.  Thanks God for this couple and their struggle as well.