Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Day 177

This morning I wondered if I should call a friend and get together for supper.  This is a friend that I really don't know that well but she was the first person who introduced herself to me when I started going to church and now she's moved away and I was going to be in the same town she lives now.  I did, I emailed and asked if she wanted to get together.  She was able to get together.  Prayer answered.  Not about getting together but my prayer last week was asking God to put someone in my circle that I could talk to openly about my struggle with temptation and sin.  I have not known God my entire life and sometimes I feel quite alone in this life.  My Christian friends don't seem to have had similar pasts to me, and my non-Christian friends don't live like i do now so I struggle with finding someone who I can share the struggles with.  This friend tonight has lead a similar past to I and I felt like I was no longer alone.  There are people like me out there, that have lead sinful pasts and now have a relationship with God but that old life still creeps in and is tempting, why is it tempting?  Well there's no guilt for doing things that God doesn't approve of if you don't believe in Him.  When you believe in God and have a relationship with him then you know when you are disappointing him.  When you are disobeying.  God is really your father and if you constantly are breaking the rules think of how disappointed your human parents get, God is no different.  So anyways, thanks God for this friend, her openness, the time together, and the start of a new, better friendship.

Day 175

So I spent the greater part of the weekend with D and off and on the conversation of God and church would pop up.  Today he brought it up though, inquisitively.  He asked open heartily how I started going to church, from my mouth I found the words coming, "I've always known I wanted a relationship with God........."  Not to go to church, not to believe in God, not to go to heaven, but a relationship with God.  This is truly the most honest answer I could have given and it easily and simply came from my mouth.  I then went on to explain how God is in my life and what that means to how I live my life, how I raise Jacob.  So then I asked D, "you and church?"  Well he used to go with his grandmother and he hasn't gone in years.  He said that he just can't seem to find the time but that really is a pretty poor excuse because "there is always time for that and I need to make the time"  did you read that right??  He needs to make the time to go to church?  Yes, you did!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Thank you God for his open heart to begin to know you.  Prayer definitely answered!

Day 174

All day I kept telling myself that God doesn't have to give me a sign to show he's listening.  I don't need to test God to prove he cares.  That's not what I'm supposed to do.  I was a wee bit on edge though because even though D had told me that he would come over tonight a mutual friend had told me he was going to basically tempt D not to see me tonight.  The mutual friend has issues and thinks that D and I should not move so fast.  The friend can take his opinion and do with it something I won't say on this blog.  So in my heart I knew that D would come and resist temptation but in my mind I worried a little, maybe only 15% of me worried, but still it was a worry.  Well the 15% was wasteful worry because D came.  God thanks for just putting my mind to ease that this is indeed real and this indeed is a gift from you and a prayer answered.  Thanks.

Day 173

Tonight was my date night. Was it everything that I hoped and wanted?  Yep.  Was there easy conversation, was he a gentleman?  Yep.  Will there be more dates?  Yep.  Do I think I had my last first?  Yep.  Thank you God for this man, who is kind, respectful, open, handsome, humble, and good.  As you can tell I'm smitten.  Okay, if any women read this blog I know you are all thinking, when is she going to get to the details?  Well we went for a few drinks and then to a friends for her birthday.  There he met some of my friends and my pastor and family.  This was a great opening to him knowing that I'm a Christian and God is a big part of my life.  So thanks God for that opening, because honestly I didn't know how that would come up.  Thank you for the ease in the conversation, the laughs, the fun, the entire night.  Thank you for this man!  This is definitely a miracle because this was something I have been praying for, a man who may become my husband, this man has all those qualities that I was looking for.

Day 172

My co-worker had a healthy bouncing baby girl; everyone is happy and no complications.  Thanks God!

Day 171

I tend not to talk a lot about God at work.  I can remember reading that you were supposed to go to work to do God's work because that is where he put you but that you weren't supposed to go there with the intent of preaching about him.  You may wonder why but it is because if I spent all my time focusing on when I could talk to others about God how much effort would I be putting into my own job?  So you would sort of be considered to be stealing time from your employer; not something that God would approve of!  So long story short is that I don't talk about God unless someone brings it up to me.  Today that did happen though and my co-worker had questions about my upcoming date and what if he wasn't as open to God as I and how would that fit.  I went into the entire explanation of what the bible says about a Christian marrying a non Christian and then that lead into what it meant to be a Christian and then that lead into the difference between a person who is saved and what that means after death.  I have never spoken so frankly and openly at work but the words were just flowing and she kept asking questions.  So thanks God for giving the time to do your work today amidst our busy lives and her being open to hearing.  In your time.  Thanks God!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Day 170

Do you realize that in 12 more days I will have had a miracle a day for 6 entire months?
Yesterday wasn't a great day and I went to bed knowing that I was going to take a "mental health" day today.  I started this blog to never lose sight of God.  To always think about him each and every day and be thankful each and every day, never become complacent.  I've been complacent before, thinking that I had enough of him but really I've never had enough of him.  I can and will forever be pursuing him more and more.  Well this date thing is challenging me and my relationship with God.  If you aren't a Christian you may not get this so let me explain.  God is first in my life, even before Jacob, I love God the most.  So God wants me to marry a Christan.  How do I know this, well he told me.  "Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? " 2 Corinthians 6:14. 
Now wickedness refers to all those that are not saved and accepting of Jesus Christ.  So now that I know this, it is a struggle.  I know you may be thinking, it's just a date. Yeah, a date that if it goes really well there will be a second, third, engagement, marriage.  Not really that fast but you get what I'm saying.  Why would I go on a date if I didn't want to think about pursuing marriage with someone.  I know not everyone thinks like I do but this is how I think and have always thought.  So my struggle is that the date is not a Christian.  Is he open to church and God, not sure.  I think so, but not sure.  So I struggle with living in a Godly manner and also having the temptation of the world around me.  I struggle with what my life used to be like.  I don't have very many Christian friends, and no friends, either than one cousin, that has a similar past to me.  I wasn't raised in a religious home of any sort.  So there were no "rules" of any God's sort to live and abide by.  I have a past, I've done sinful things.  I struggle to explain to my Christian friends this because I don't get the impression that any of them have done the things that I've done and so now I struggle.  The only way I can explain it is heroin.  I have no idea how a person would get addicted to it and give up their entire life for the drug, I can sit back and say just clean yourself up.  However I don't understand it.  I've never had to live that life.  So like some of my friends who I perceive have always or almost always done the right thing life is easier if you've never known the dark.  Okay, so what is my miracle of the day?  The answer that God has provided me with.  You know that saying, "God will never give you more than you can handle"?  Well it's always used in the wrong context.  Here's the right context, aka bible verse: " The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure." 1 Corinthians 10:13.  So God thank you for this miracle of your word and it always having the answers in it.  Thank you for showing me a way out when the temptation gets to be too much.  I'm just realizing though that all day I've felt very alone in this situation and the beginning of this verse tells me that temptations in my life are no different from others.  So God I guess I'm not alone.  Again, thank you.

Day 169

I don't know if Jacob is becoming more at home as time goes on, or more like me.  I think that for the most part I'm a pretty optimistic, and happy person.  Lately Jacob is always in a good mood.  I've noticed that he's always in a great mood but today a friend even called to tell me how he was in a great mood this morning when she dropped her daughter off.  He's just happy all the time!  What a blessing he is my little Mogley (nickname of the week).  We just watched the Jungle Book this past weekend and now he's in love with it, so I'm calling Mogley.  Which is kind of ironic because when I first met him with his shaggy hair and wildness about him I thought he reminded me of Mogley.  Anyways, thanks God for this happy little boy that now always says "love you mommy" before he goes to sleep and then wakes up with a big smile on his face and is happy to see me.  Thanks God!

Day 168

A wonderful lady in our church hosts a ladies brunch every month or so.  I look forward to it each time and the time to visit with other ladies, mostly Christian ladies.  I enjoy the refreshing conversation and the fellowship and sharing the struggles of life.  Ladies brunch is my miracle of the day; a wonderful bunch of ladies, good food, and God, what more could you ask for?

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Day 167

So for a while now, well to be accurate, a few years, I've been praying for a mate.  For someone who I could date and marry.  For a little while, a month or two, a potential match has been inquiring about me but he couldn't get my phone number, our mutual friend wouldn't give it to him and that in itself is a long story so I'm not going to get into it here.  My friend had good reasons why he wouldn't share it.  Well finally the match was persistent enough that my friend shared my number.  Within two minutes the match called and asked for a date.  Date was set for next weekend and then we chatted for almost an hour before I had to let him go to put Jacob to bed.  This man is a man of good character that I would compare him to my good friends whom I look at their husbands and say "that's the type of man I'd like to be with".  So did God answer my prayer?  I'm hoping so.

Day 166

You know how they say to keep your eyes on the road when driving?  Well I was multi-tasking; I know something you shouldn't do while driving.  All of a sudden I was partially in the ditch.  Thankfully I just eased back on the road and safely continued the rest of my journey.  How often does this happen and we don't take the time to thank God for that little/big miracle.  I could have easily rolled my vehicle today but God said, nope, not your day today.  So thanks God!

Day 165

 A friend who we, Jacob and I, and my church, had been praying for is starting to show signs of recuperation!  HUGE Miracle!  So now we all will just continue to pray for her recovery but also praise God for his healing hand.  He does listen and this is proof.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Day 164

I've been exploring different school options for Jacob.  I don't really know which school, or if I even wanted Jacob to go to school but instead home school him.  Tonight I went to a presentation at one of the local schools.  I was able to ask questions that were important to me regarding his education and I've made my decision!  This was something that I was praying about because I didn't have an idea of what to do.  Send him to the school that my friends send their kids; send him to the elementary; the french school; or attempt to home school and work full time.  My decision is to send him to the french school.  I have several reasons for wanting to do this; the biggest is classroom sizes.  The grade five class this year has 8 kids!  Seriously how much one on one are the kids getting; this sold me.  The language really is the last thing of importance to me.  The others were post secondary stats; last couple of years it has been  100% of graduates going on to post secondary.  The other thing is that it is such a small school that the principal knows everyone; plus since it is so small there isn't as much bullying because they are able to keep a better handle on things and discipline.  So although my decision wasn't popular at first after explaining all my reasons I think people/my family knows where I'm coming from and understand.  So a couple of miracles today; decision and understanding!

Day 163

Tonight I brought Jacob to my small group meeting.  Typically he goes to my parents on this night and so I enjoy adult time while learning more about God and building my relationship with Him.  Tonight though I decided to bring Jacob with me; he's come a few other times so it wasn't a big deal, I thought.  That is until the other little boy, who's only 1 went to bed and then Jacob decided that he had enough of our visiting time and kept repeating over and over that he wanted to go home.  "I wanna go home mom, come".  Yes how fun; for 20 minutes off and on he kept repeating this same phrase in a lovely whiny tone.  However I see this as a miracle.  Yes I do.  Jacob has changed so much in a year.  He knows I'm mom, he knows where home is; he knows that home is a safe and comfortable place for him.  So my son's whining makes me happy after the fact.  Thanks God for my son, whining and all.

Day 162

A few years ago I started going to church; at first I went by myself and then I started bringing my friends kids with me; then sometimes my nieces.  Eventually my friends also started coming; bringing their own kids.  Today I sat and watched how my friends husband brought his daughter.  How things have changed and God has worked in all of their hearts so that they always come to church now.  Even when one can't make it the other half comes and sets an example to the whole family.  Thanks God for stirring up their hearts and then wanting a relationship with you.

Day 161

One of my very bestest friends has been trying to get pregnant for the last few years.  There have been a couple of pregnancies and both ended early on.  Then for the past year or so there has been no sign of pregnancy.  Today she told me she saw two pink lines and she's 7 weeks along!!!!   Thanks God for blessing her and her husband with this gift; now please give them another miracle of the pregnancy lasting until term!

Day 160

In the past few weeks I've really started to teach Jacob about God.  We've always said supper prayers and I sing a Christian song before bed to him each night.  I've thought though that there is more I could be doing.  So we've started praying more, on the way to the sitters for the day, at the end of the day right before we say goodnight.  I've started to ask Jacob who he would like to pray for when we say these prayers.  Tonight we talked about how God made everything.  Jacob then ran through all of his body parts, each time asking if God made.....yep.  Then we talked about God being everywhere.  Lately Jacob will say he's scared.  So I've told him that he just needs to ask for God's help and God will protect him so he doesn't need to be scared.  Jacob asked if "God come to supper?"  Absolutely!  He's getting it, Miracle of the day.

Day 159

I don't think that I am a "preachy" friend.  I think that the majority/all my friends know that I believe and have a relationship with God.  I'm open to telling them whatever they want to hear but I often wait for them to bring up questions instead of me  approaching the subject.  I do that because if I was always pushing people to have a relationship with God then I would worry that I would actually turn them off instead of towards.  My blogs and facebook though are my own venues and so I do say what I want on them and people can either choose to read or not.
So the point of this miracle is that a friend asked for prayer on facebook and then quickly took it off.  I saw it though and since she asked for a specific prayer Jacob and I are praying.  The miracle is that I happened to be online and see it and that even though I know she questions the whole existence of God she did ask for help when she needed it.  I read the bible daily and within the next month or so I will have read the entire bible, now just because I did it once I'm not quitting. I will continue to read the bible everyday and get through it cover to cover in one year.  The bible really does have all the answers to life.  Today the scripture that comes to mind is this:
Job 36:15 "But God saves those who suffer through their suffering; he gets them to listen through their pain."
So what does this mean?  Well you know that famous saying, "God will never give you more than you can handle"?  It's not true.  God does give you more than you can handle sometimes and this is when you are to turn to Him and ask for help.  So my dear friend, He does listen, and He will help.  Miracle of the day!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Day 158

The regular babysitters have gone on holidays and I had so much anxiety about Jacob going to a new sitters for a week.  I was worried about him not feeling secure and then regressing.  However I attempted to keep all my emotions about this to myself.  So he is going to one of the other little girls who, he has basically known almost as long as he's known me, grandmother's.  He's met the grandma before and she's watched him for about an hour or so before but he's seen her a few times.  So this morning I prepared him, told him that he was going to Mrs.______ and that S would be there and that he would stay there for lunch and then after his nap I would come back and pick him up.  He was totally fine.  Didn't cry at all when I dropped him off.  He did cry some when I picked him up but he sometimes does that.  I have this whole theory about little kids and stress.  I think that their little bodies get stressed when they don't know all the particulars of what is going on and so then they become more anxious and then in turn are more hungry, tired, etc.  Then when they see mom or dad they melt.  They've been putting on this act of bravery all day long, not knowing exactly what is going on but they are having fun and so even though they miss you their little systems are anxious.  Then when they see mom and dad it's like, "oh I missed you so much throughout the day but now you're here and I can't tell you how I missed you so instead I'll be emotional over the littlest things."  Just a theory.  However back to the miracle, thanks God for listening to my prayer and concerns and making Jacob feel secure and okay today and that everything would be okay!

Day 157

I was in a course in the city all day today; it's part 2 of an 18 month course with 5 or so face to face meetings in it.  Today was part 2.  I know I mentioned this course before about not being put in a group with the young woman who is an animal activist.  So going on to who is in my group.  Well see that is another miracle!  There is a man who I saw pray before eating in my group, a young woman who is moving to St. Paul and she talked about which church she will be going to when she moves, although not mine, it is a Christian church.  So I'm not sure about where all the other's stand but so far there is one fellow Christian in the group.  I'm not going to make assumptions about the man praying because there are many religions that pray, so I can't assume that he is Christian.  So after this little rambling on thanks God for giving me a fellow Christian who is soon to be neighbors as well in my group!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Day 156

I had a decision to make and I really didn't know what to do about it.  I find that there are some things that I really wish I had a husband to make the final decision about; or discuss it with and then we could make a decision together.  It doesn't happen often but there are times when I really have no opinion and wish that if I had a husband he would have an opinion and make the decision.  Today I was able to make the decision I was facing because God just gave me the information I needed to make the decision very easy.  So I guess He's my fill-in husband/decision maker right now and I'm good with that!  So Thanks God for deciding that for me!

Day 155

I got a text from a friend today that she and I have been trying to get together for months now.  Finally I made the time.  She sent me a text and I decided that I'd put off getting together long enough.  After naps we packed up and headed to visit my friend and her family.  We spent the majority afternoon and part of the evening together and visiting.  It was great and I thank God for the time and making the time to get together today.

Day 154

Have you ever prayed and then years later realize you got the answer and think, "man I really didn't want the answer"?  This is exactly what happened to me today.  Unfortunately I am not going to blog about the situation; I'm a pretty open person but this topic just crosses some boundaries that I'm not willing to make public right now.  However I am going to write about the fact that a prayer that I've had for about 20+ years was answered today.  God performed this little miracle in my life and let me know that He does listen and He does answer, just in His time, not mine.  Thanks though!

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Day 153

Well I've prayed about something for 15+ years off and on and never felt like I got an answer.  I didn't get a crystal clear answer today but I got a piece of the puzzle answered.  When I was 5 I was molested by my older cousin.  He was in his late teens at the time; old enough to know better.  From the age of 12 I've wondered when I would press charges.  It was never a question of "if I would do it" it was "when would I do it?"  There are several reasons why it has not happened.  One is that his mother is one of my if not my favorite aunt.  I didn't know if she knew, I didnt' know how to bring it up and I didn't want her to feel like I blamed her at all.  I blame no one, not even my cousin.  Crap happens in life, and this is just part of my story.  I don't believe in dwelling in the past, something I can't ever change, it happened, I acknowledge it, move on.  However the part that I can't move on from is the guilt that I feel when I think that he may have abused others.  I know he has, some before/during the same time as me and its suspected that there are some after.  Now he has children, two daughters that I know of.  The guilt that I feel about these girls creeps up.  Coincidentally guilt is one thing that I pray about and is on my list of things and I haven't been able to cross it off yet.  Okay, rambling on.  The next reason is my dad.  I know that my dad has guilt over this and that he wasn't able to protect me.  I don't want him to feel like this.  It wasn't his fault and honestly I would never change anything about my life and so I'll take the good with the bad and this is just part of the bad.  The other is the other suspected and confirmed victims.  I dont' want to force them to say anything but at the same time the more stories there are the better chance of conviction. 
So what is the miracle.  Well, I've been praying about what to do about this for years.  Today out of the blue my aunt, his mom, said she wanted to ask my advice about a situation because she knew I'd experienced the same thing with her son.  I was flabbergasted, my response was, "how did you know about ***** and I?"  She said that she had always known but that she was waiting for me to bring it up.  I told her that I would have never brought it up because I didn't want her to feel guilt about it.  She said that she had gone to counselling and that she always hoped that I would go forward and press charges.  Miracle one!  So there's my answer to that hesitation.  Now the funny thing is that for as much as you pray sometimes and you think that you know what you want once you get it now your not so sure.  I'm sure, I think though that this is the scariest thing I will ever do.  Scary because it unveils a family secret that could hurt people.  His wife, his kids, my family, my dad, my aunt, me.  However I will do it.  It is just when.  I'm going to set a date in my head and I will do it by then.  I think the only way to get rid of my guilt is to do something about it.  So even though I didn't think I'd ever get the answer, thank you God for answering my prayer. 

Day 152

Today we had a speech assessment for Jacob.  It was with the speech pathologist.  She and I had a discussion and I think I get where she is coming from now and she sees where I'm coming from.  I've been a bit oversensitive about this, I know, and I'm trying to be open.  Today she explained that she feels compared to her counterparts she probably keeps kids on longer than she should but she just wants to give them as much as she can.  She explained how their minds are like sponges and so she likes to let them absorb as much now.  I agree, and now hearing that she knows she over serves people I understand it and don't feel like "there is something wrong with my kid" as much as she just over serves kids.  I'm okay with that.  I told her that we would be continuing to come until she said we have to stop, I explained that I am not fond of the idea of speech but that I will everything for my child, he is first.  So until she tells us to stop we will be going.  I'm glad we had this conversation and now have a mutual understanding of where we are.  On the other note she does want to take a break for the remainder of spring, just one or two more appointments and then do another assessment a few months down the road to see if he still needs to come or not.

Day 151

I was driving doing my errands this afternoon and then all of a sudden I heard "pop" when I turned and then it was hard to turn my steering wheel.  I went to the local garage and asked them to look at it because I was pretty sure it was my power steering pump/hose.  Yep, it was.  Now not only was it that but my tie rod ends were also shot and they needed to be fixed.  I asked for a quote; over $600!!!!  Now for several months now I've done something I've never done before.  I started saving, I know I'm pathetic, 31 years old and finally I've started to be responsible and save money.  So I have the money to fix my jeep but the even better news and miracle of this all is that I actually don't have to touch my savings.  This month the way the pay periods work I get 3 paychecks, bonus!  So I was going to at first go shopping with the extra money, then I thought twice and was going to do the responsible thing and put the extra money in savings.  However now that the jeep is going to cost that much I will just use the money for that.  So thanks God for keeping my jeep running smoothly until I had the extra money available to get it all fixed.  See miracles do happen!!

Day 150

Today was an easy miracle to find; the roads were horrible tonight, it was snowing and visibility really wasn't good but, I made it home safe and sound.  Thanks God!

Day 149

Today I was in meetings for older folks on my caseload.  I got to thinking back to when I first started my job and how I was afraid to ask certain questions, even though it was my job I was still apprehensive about how much I should ask.  Now I know that I need to ask these questions for the betterment of my people's lives.  I need to ask the doctors why they would put an 88 year old on an anti-psychotic medication when prior to admission this person had lived a pretty normal life!  Seriously, you wouldn't believe how many elderly people in long term cares are on anti-psychotic medication.  So I do ask the questions now and I dont' care about ruffling feathers; its my job to ask and I'm going to do it well.  So how is this my miracle, well in my own personal life I've learned to be an advocate for Jacob as well and to not just take what the professionals say.  In January we had an appointment at a mental health run agency, my referral was asking for strategies to help Jacob deal with change and cope better so that he felt secure.  We left with the "professionals" saying there wasn't much they could do for us because he was coping well, I recognized what the issues were and seemed to be handling it well.  They said that I would be getting a report with the outcome of the assessment and that would be it.  Well not so; I got a phone message today saying that they had an appointment for us scheduled with the psychiatrist for March 17th, it would be an hour and a half long and then they would set up services for us in my home community.  I was totally caught off guard and angry.  I called my mom, who attended the appointment with me and asked her what her impression had been when we left, same as mine.  I wanted to be sure that i hadn't misinterpreted the end of the meeting.  Nope, she thought same as me, get a report case closed.  So I called back and left a message, "Thank you for your call but I'm a little confused because I felt I was lead to believe at the end of our meeting that I would get a report and that would be the end of our services with you.  Before I commit to seeing a psychiatrist I would like to know the purpose of the visit and what the reasoning behind the visit is.  So if you could clarify this for me and we could discuss further I'd appreciate it.  Thank you."  So i was still fuming.  What had changed, how could I get out of this without looking like I wasn't seeing all the needs of my child.  Then it came to me.  On the lovely referral form that I had filled out I had said that the reason for referral was to "seek out strategies in helping my son cope with change."  My confusion lies in that the counsellors, who I would see on a regular basis said that there was nothing that they could recommend and then some psychiatrist reads a report and all of a sudden we need to see them and have "services", nope don't think so.  The referral didn't ask for a diagnosis; and then counselling sessions ongoing; it asked for strategies to cope with change, you couldn't provide any so looks like we're done by your own admission!  As I write you may get that I'm still a bit ticked.  I'm ticked because kids get these labels and then they are stuck with them for life.  So I will be having an appointment and asking them to refer to my referral form and tell me what "STRATEGIES" they can suggest and that is all; I don't want to hear the rest of it.  I hear so many labels and none are good; they are useless, with the exception of if you need funding, which we don't, and all they do is cookie cutter someone.  SO back to my miracle, thanks God for giving me the knowledge to not just accept what the professionals say and let me form my own opinion and realize that I can and will ask the tough questions for the betterment of everyone in my life, clients or son.

Day 148

I'm sure I've mentioned before that I belong to a small group.  I think this would be the equivalent to what people think a bible study is; only we don't study the bible.  Its a group of people that get together that want to further their relationship with God and together we support each other in that relationship.  I have been with the same group for a few years now; some of the people have changed; some are still the same people.  I am one of the few in the group that did not grow up in a religious home of any sort.  Some have grown up in Christian homes, some in legalistic religious homes, some in Catholic homes, but all have had some form of "God-knowing" in their home.  I have not.  Some things that they just have always done are a struggle for me; it just hasn't been part of my lifestyle growing up so it's not a natural thing.  So sometimes in our small group we will discuss things and there are very different perspectives on things because of each of our own backgrounds and childhoods.  I would have to say that I would be the one in the group that has the least amount of Christian friends.  So a  few weeks ago the topic of premarital sex came up.  I explained that this is really a struggle to work through in my life. I now do not want to have sex again before I'm married.  I've shared this with some of my friends and they tell me that they think that it isn't really a big deal to have sex before marriage.  Even though I tell them that i don't want to because of my belief that it is a sin they say oh well it isn't that big deal and how are you going to ever find someone with this same belief.  I then told my small group this and they were all shocked that people who were my friends wouldn't support me with this.  But it's a different world that they dont' know at all.  So I get where my non-Christian friends are coming from, I used to think the same. Enough about my non-existent sex life; on to what is the miracle of today.  That I realized that my small group doesn't need me, but I need them.  They don't need me because they all have a relationship with God already; but I do need them because I do have so many friends that could sway me to change my beliefs and backslide like I've done so before.  I need my small group to keep me on track and be my place to get filled up with God when I feel like I may be settling for the world's ways again.  So the other piece to this is though that I do need my non-Christian friends in my too.  The weekend I became a Christian a piece of scripture stood out to me and never has left.  "Leave everything and I will make fishers of men of you".  It's in Luke, I'm not going to look it up right now and I know I should have the numbers memorized but I don't, I'm working on it.  Anyways, Jesus didn't hang around other Christians and priests, he hung around sinners.  This is who I hang out with, sinners, my small group doesn't need me, they are all already saved, but my friends aren't and I can't save them but I can sure be there when they have questions and share the message with them. SO thanks God for bringing this to my attention tonight; it was literally a light bulb moment.  Thanks for my small group and all of my friends; whetherI need them or they need me I'm so happy that you've put me right where I am right now.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Day 147

I have a prayer that I say for my dad.  I came across it in a book that is actually titled, "praying for you children through the scriptures".   It's a prayer though that can apply to anyone.  I'm starting to see small signs of my things leading up to my prayer being answered.  The prayer is "Please God let my dad live long enough to be saved by you."  I'm not asking for health and happiness but instead God's salvation.  I pray it for Jacob too, and a few other people in my life but next to Jacob my dad I pray for it the most.  Today in church I saw him looking over my mom's shoulder to read her bible.  He has never even shown any interest in the bible or seeing what the pastor is saying yet today for whatever reason he wanted to read it as well as hear it.  Guess what I'm getting him for Father's day?  Yep, a large print bible!  He doesn't have a bible and why should he be left out!  Thanks God for speaking to him and please let him long enough to be saved.

Day 146

Jacob so far has only 3 other first cousins; 2 other cousins that are my very good friends kids and they are a bit older than him.  I never really knew many of my second cousins.  Jacob is luckier than I.  He has a lot of second cousins that are close in age to him.  Today we were invited to his first real kid party and it was his second cousin Charity's birthday.  Charity turned 5, she is my cousin's oldest daughter and she has a younger brother who is 2.  What fun they all had playing and eating cake, watching her open her presents.  Jacob had lots of "oooo's" and "wow!".  Quite a cute thing to hear actually.  Even though I doubt he was that interested in the barbies he made all the right oo's and ah's over them!  So God I'm thankful for the miracle of us living close to some of my extended family and that we have maintained a close relationship as adults now.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Day 145

As life gets busy once a person has a family I find that I don't see and spend as much time with my nieces and nephew anymore.  Today we got to spend time together; we went swimming and then for lunch and then we went and did a bit of shopping.  It was good to spend some time with them and I'm so thankful that we all live close enough that we can just spend an afternoon together if timing permits.  I think of so many families that live great distances from each other and how travel sometime doesn't permit seeing each other more than a few times a year.  How lucky am I?!  Thanks God for this closeness not only in distance but also in relationships.
I have another miracle.  I'm reading the bible daily.  By middle of March I think I'll have read it from cover to cover.  I say I think because it is a daily bible that gives you an old testament reading, psalms, proverbs, and new testament reading each day.  I don't remember exactly which day it was that I started.  All of a sudden in March though I see where I've underlined some scripture so this is about where I'm assuming I started reading daily.  Now that I'm almost done I can't wait to read it again!  I'm hoping this will just be part of my daily routine, like brushing my teeth is.   Right now I'm reading Leviticus.  This is the book where God gave a whole bunch of rules to Moses and Aaron.  I have a tonne of questions about why and how society was developed and how we still follow some of these same principles today.  My miracle is that I have a pastor that I can ask all of these questions to and he will sit down with me and answer them.  Tonight I went over to my pastor and wife's home for coffee.  We pulled out the bibles and had a great discussion of all my questions.  How lucky am I that I can ask these questions and he doesn't brush me off or tell me not to question the bible, to just follow it.  I recently heard that a pastor in our community has told people that they shouldn't take the bible to heart and it is really not written for today times.  WHAT???!!!  Really?!  Then why is it that we still follow the same rules today?!  Society does, not just Christians.  The whole judicial system was handed down in Leviticus, how we determine crimes today is exactly how God declared what were crimes in the time of Moses.  Or how about this one, that farmers still summer fallow their land, something God told Moses and Aaron to tell the people to do!   So thanks God for my pastor, his wife, and their openness to my questions.

Day 144

A few days ago I commented that Jacob goes to BG club.  Today BG club is the miracle of the day.  Jacob goes on most Thursdays; it started in September and goes until May, I think.  The cost was $25 and it is every Thursday from 6:30-8:00pm.  They sing songs then separate into their different age categories and hear a bible story, do a craft, have a snack and play games.  So why is this my miracle?  Well a couple reasons.  I knew that I wanted Jacob to participate in something on his own to socialize him with other children.  I also wanted something to send him to that was affordable, I wanted something that would teach him values, and this obviously fits with us.  I also have the belief that it takes a community to raise a child.  There he is getting an awareness of other rules and other adults and that it doesn't matter where you are there are rules and you have to follow them.  I had been concerned because at first he would cry when I dropped him off, this slowly dwindled.  My other concern has been that he probably doesn't talk very much to them.  Jacob tends to not talk to strangers at all.  Even if I am right there it takes a lot of coaxing for him to say hi.  I know this isn't such a bad thing but when he goes to school I'm hoping he will talk and not take 6 months to open up to the teachers.  Tonight I checked in with the leaders at BG club to see how he was doing.  The comments were that he is really starting to open up and talk a lot there.  FABULOUS!!!!  There are no other concerns; just that at the beginning he really didn't talk to them much at all but now he's starting to open up a lot.  Great, just what I wanted to hear.  I know that when he goes to school it probably won't take this long because he will be going more often than only once a week so he will become familiar much sooner and talk.  This was just the reassurance I needed to hear though.  Thanks God!

Day 143

Have you ever been in a situation where you didn't really know what was going on with a relationship and wondered how to figure it out?  I have found myself in this situation a number of times throughout my life.  Relationships just don't come easy to me.  I haven't had that many and can't say that they have been very positive; well they all ended so what does that tell you?!  I have to say though that my miracle of the day is that I'm okay with being single.  I've never felt the "need" to have a companion.  I've never forced a relationship if it wasn't there.  I have always been very secure and happier being alone than being in a relationship that made me miserable.  So thanks God for giving me this outlook on life and being with just me!

Day 142

I was not raised in a Christian family.  I was raised in a family that believed in God and went to church on special occasions but not much more than that.  I've found this is something that I am leaning to others to teach me how to raise my children in a Christian home.  Going to church on Sundays doesn't cut it in my mind; being a Christian is daily.  So some of the things that we do is we pray at almost all meals; for sure every meal that we sit at the table for we pray before we eat.  Our pray incorporates a memory verse as part of his BG club.  He goes to BG club where he plays with other kids, sings songs, and does crafts all in the spirit of God.  I sing Jacob a Christian song before bed every night; I love hearing him say "sing King".  He knows that the cross is a representation of Jesus and if you ask him who's cross it is he tells you "Jesus cross".  I tell him that there are no such things as monsters and that God is all around to protect him.  He watches veggie tales and quite likes "the tomato".  I was reading him bible stories before but all of my kids bibles didn't seem to really interest him so I had stopped for awhile.  A few nights ago I brought it out again and decided that I wanted to read him the bible again.  I started back at the very beginning and tonight was the second story; Adam and Eve.  Jacob listened so intently and pointed out Adam, the apple, the snake, Eve.  It lead into a much longer story than the book because he asked questions.  So my prayer has been answered and I am raising Jacob in a Christian home; I just needed that reassurance that he was indeed "getting it".  Thanks God!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Day 141

I am so thankful that I live where I do; I truly mean that.  For as much as I complain about the weather I am so happy that I live in Canada, in Alberta, in St. Paul!  Today is Family Day in Alberta and that means a holiday.  A holiday to celebrate family; how fabulous is that?!  To live in a province that promotes family so much so that we have a holiday for it!  People say that Albertans are busy people and are fast paced but that we have a holiday to celebrate family really does show where are roots are.  Thanks God for where I am!

Day 140

Have you ever heard a song that moved you to tears?  Have you ever been in a situation and for whatever reason you are overcome with emotion and are in tears?  I have.  It sometimes happens in church.  I stand in awe looking at this wooden cross tied with rope and it's roughness and look at where Jesus died for my sins so that I may have everlasting life in heaven.  Today in church a woman in front of me was in tears, she wasn't sobbing by any means but I noticed the continually wiping of the edge of her eyes and then her daughter, maybe 8 or so saw the same as I.  The daughter went out and then came back and gave her mother tissues that she had gone to the bathroom to get for her mom.  Then she just kept watching her mother moved to tears.  The daughter probably was a little confused but was kind enough to understand that all her mom needed right now was tissue, not questions, but love and compassion, the tissue may seem like not a big deal but really it is.  That this little girl just knew that she needed to do something to help her mom right then and did so almost moved me to tears.  The way the daughter looked at her mother in love is truly God's gift.  Thanks God for your love.

Day 139

Jacob was bit on the cheek by my dog the other night.  I was worried that it had become infected and that I made the wrong decision not taking him to the hospital that night.  The reason that I didn't take him in was actually because I was worried I was going to pass out, and I thought that was riskier to drive than to try going and getting it looked at.  I patched it up myself and then kept cleaning it each day.  Today we went to the hospital and saw the doctor.  Yes unfortunately the wound was infected so he was put on antibiotics but the good news was that the doctor said that they wouldn't have stitched it so yes I probably should have gone that night but everything was going to be okay now that we had antibiotics.  Thank you God for directing me to make part of the right decision.

Day 138

A friend asked me if I wanted to go out tonight.  I am so thankful to have some great friends that I was able to leave Jacob with.  People that he thinks of as aunty and uncle and his cousins.  I dressed him up in his pj's and took him over to hang out until I was done and would pick him up after.  To my surprise I got a phone call while I was out and they offered to keep Jacob overnight so I was able to even sleep in in the morning if I wanted to!  This is a very nice little gift from the kindness of my friends hearts!

Day 136

Tonight was the first meeting for next New Year's Eve!!!  I know early but we decided that it was better to meet once a month throughout the year to do any extra stuff that could be done in advance.  We had a great meeting and we all seem to always agree on all decisions, even when we think we might not all agree we end up agreeing!  What a blessing it has to meet with these women and form this group and work for the greater cause together.  Thanks God for each other, the time together and our agreeableness!

Day 135

Jacob has been going to speech for almost a year now and I've prayed that his speech would catch up and that one day I would finally hear, "he's done we're closing the file."  Well today my prayers are that much closer to being answered.  We have an appointment on March 4th for an assessment because they aren't sure what more to teach/do with him so they are thinking it might be time to close the file!!!!!  Thank you GOD!