Day 149

Today I was in meetings for older folks on my caseload.  I got to thinking back to when I first started my job and how I was afraid to ask certain questions, even though it was my job I was still apprehensive about how much I should ask.  Now I know that I need to ask these questions for the betterment of my people's lives.  I need to ask the doctors why they would put an 88 year old on an anti-psychotic medication when prior to admission this person had lived a pretty normal life!  Seriously, you wouldn't believe how many elderly people in long term cares are on anti-psychotic medication.  So I do ask the questions now and I dont' care about ruffling feathers; its my job to ask and I'm going to do it well.  So how is this my miracle, well in my own personal life I've learned to be an advocate for Jacob as well and to not just take what the professionals say.  In January we had an appointment at a mental health run agency, my referral was asking for strategies to help Jacob deal with change and cope better so that he felt secure.  We left with the "professionals" saying there wasn't much they could do for us because he was coping well, I recognized what the issues were and seemed to be handling it well.  They said that I would be getting a report with the outcome of the assessment and that would be it.  Well not so; I got a phone message today saying that they had an appointment for us scheduled with the psychiatrist for March 17th, it would be an hour and a half long and then they would set up services for us in my home community.  I was totally caught off guard and angry.  I called my mom, who attended the appointment with me and asked her what her impression had been when we left, same as mine.  I wanted to be sure that i hadn't misinterpreted the end of the meeting.  Nope, she thought same as me, get a report case closed.  So I called back and left a message, "Thank you for your call but I'm a little confused because I felt I was lead to believe at the end of our meeting that I would get a report and that would be the end of our services with you.  Before I commit to seeing a psychiatrist I would like to know the purpose of the visit and what the reasoning behind the visit is.  So if you could clarify this for me and we could discuss further I'd appreciate it.  Thank you."  So i was still fuming.  What had changed, how could I get out of this without looking like I wasn't seeing all the needs of my child.  Then it came to me.  On the lovely referral form that I had filled out I had said that the reason for referral was to "seek out strategies in helping my son cope with change."  My confusion lies in that the counsellors, who I would see on a regular basis said that there was nothing that they could recommend and then some psychiatrist reads a report and all of a sudden we need to see them and have "services", nope don't think so.  The referral didn't ask for a diagnosis; and then counselling sessions ongoing; it asked for strategies to cope with change, you couldn't provide any so looks like we're done by your own admission!  As I write you may get that I'm still a bit ticked.  I'm ticked because kids get these labels and then they are stuck with them for life.  So I will be having an appointment and asking them to refer to my referral form and tell me what "STRATEGIES" they can suggest and that is all; I don't want to hear the rest of it.  I hear so many labels and none are good; they are useless, with the exception of if you need funding, which we don't, and all they do is cookie cutter someone.  SO back to my miracle, thanks God for giving me the knowledge to not just accept what the professionals say and let me form my own opinion and realize that I can and will ask the tough questions for the betterment of everyone in my life, clients or son.

Day 148

I'm sure I've mentioned before that I belong to a small group.  I think this would be the equivalent to what people think a bible study is; only we don't study the bible.  Its a group of people that get together that want to further their relationship with God and together we support each other in that relationship.  I have been with the same group for a few years now; some of the people have changed; some are still the same people.  I am one of the few in the group that did not grow up in a religious home of any sort.  Some have grown up in Christian homes, some in legalistic religious homes, some in Catholic homes, but all have had some form of "God-knowing" in their home.  I have not.  Some things that they just have always done are a struggle for me; it just hasn't been part of my lifestyle growing up so it's not a natural thing.  So sometimes in our small group we will discuss things and there are very different perspectives on things because of each of our own backgrounds and childhoods.  I would have to say that I would be the one in the group that has the least amount of Christian friends.  So a  few weeks ago the topic of premarital sex came up.  I explained that this is really a struggle to work through in my life. I now do not want to have sex again before I'm married.  I've shared this with some of my friends and they tell me that they think that it isn't really a big deal to have sex before marriage.  Even though I tell them that i don't want to because of my belief that it is a sin they say oh well it isn't that big deal and how are you going to ever find someone with this same belief.  I then told my small group this and they were all shocked that people who were my friends wouldn't support me with this.  But it's a different world that they dont' know at all.  So I get where my non-Christian friends are coming from, I used to think the same. Enough about my non-existent sex life; on to what is the miracle of today.  That I realized that my small group doesn't need me, but I need them.  They don't need me because they all have a relationship with God already; but I do need them because I do have so many friends that could sway me to change my beliefs and backslide like I've done so before.  I need my small group to keep me on track and be my place to get filled up with God when I feel like I may be settling for the world's ways again.  So the other piece to this is though that I do need my non-Christian friends in my too.  The weekend I became a Christian a piece of scripture stood out to me and never has left.  "Leave everything and I will make fishers of men of you".  It's in Luke, I'm not going to look it up right now and I know I should have the numbers memorized but I don't, I'm working on it.  Anyways, Jesus didn't hang around other Christians and priests, he hung around sinners.  This is who I hang out with, sinners, my small group doesn't need me, they are all already saved, but my friends aren't and I can't save them but I can sure be there when they have questions and share the message with them. SO thanks God for bringing this to my attention tonight; it was literally a light bulb moment.  Thanks for my small group and all of my friends; whetherI need them or they need me I'm so happy that you've put me right where I am right now.

Day 147

I have a prayer that I say for my dad.  I came across it in a book that is actually titled, "praying for you children through the scriptures".   It's a prayer though that can apply to anyone.  I'm starting to see small signs of my things leading up to my prayer being answered.  The prayer is "Please God let my dad live long enough to be saved by you."  I'm not asking for health and happiness but instead God's salvation.  I pray it for Jacob too, and a few other people in my life but next to Jacob my dad I pray for it the most.  Today in church I saw him looking over my mom's shoulder to read her bible.  He has never even shown any interest in the bible or seeing what the pastor is saying yet today for whatever reason he wanted to read it as well as hear it.  Guess what I'm getting him for Father's day?  Yep, a large print bible!  He doesn't have a bible and why should he be left out!  Thanks God for speaking to him and please let him long enough to be saved.

Day 146

Jacob so far has only 3 other first cousins; 2 other cousins that are my very good friends kids and they are a bit older than him.  I never really knew many of my second cousins.  Jacob is luckier than I.  He has a lot of second cousins that are close in age to him.  Today we were invited to his first real kid party and it was his second cousin Charity's birthday.  Charity turned 5, she is my cousin's oldest daughter and she has a younger brother who is 2.  What fun they all had playing and eating cake, watching her open her presents.  Jacob had lots of "oooo's" and "wow!".  Quite a cute thing to hear actually.  Even though I doubt he was that interested in the barbies he made all the right oo's and ah's over them!  So God I'm thankful for the miracle of us living close to some of my extended family and that we have maintained a close relationship as adults now.

Day 145

As life gets busy once a person has a family I find that I don't see and spend as much time with my nieces and nephew anymore.  Today we got to spend time together; we went swimming and then for lunch and then we went and did a bit of shopping.  It was good to spend some time with them and I'm so thankful that we all live close enough that we can just spend an afternoon together if timing permits.  I think of so many families that live great distances from each other and how travel sometime doesn't permit seeing each other more than a few times a year.  How lucky am I?!  Thanks God for this closeness not only in distance but also in relationships.
I have another miracle.  I'm reading the bible daily.  By middle of March I think I'll have read it from cover to cover.  I say I think because it is a daily bible that gives you an old testament reading, psalms, proverbs, and new testament reading each day.  I don't remember exactly which day it was that I started.  All of a sudden in March though I see where I've underlined some scripture so this is about where I'm assuming I started reading daily.  Now that I'm almost done I can't wait to read it again!  I'm hoping this will just be part of my daily routine, like brushing my teeth is.   Right now I'm reading Leviticus.  This is the book where God gave a whole bunch of rules to Moses and Aaron.  I have a tonne of questions about why and how society was developed and how we still follow some of these same principles today.  My miracle is that I have a pastor that I can ask all of these questions to and he will sit down with me and answer them.  Tonight I went over to my pastor and wife's home for coffee.  We pulled out the bibles and had a great discussion of all my questions.  How lucky am I that I can ask these questions and he doesn't brush me off or tell me not to question the bible, to just follow it.  I recently heard that a pastor in our community has told people that they shouldn't take the bible to heart and it is really not written for today times.  WHAT???!!!  Really?!  Then why is it that we still follow the same rules today?!  Society does, not just Christians.  The whole judicial system was handed down in Leviticus, how we determine crimes today is exactly how God declared what were crimes in the time of Moses.  Or how about this one, that farmers still summer fallow their land, something God told Moses and Aaron to tell the people to do!   So thanks God for my pastor, his wife, and their openness to my questions.

Day 144

A few days ago I commented that Jacob goes to BG club.  Today BG club is the miracle of the day.  Jacob goes on most Thursdays; it started in September and goes until May, I think.  The cost was $25 and it is every Thursday from 6:30-8:00pm.  They sing songs then separate into their different age categories and hear a bible story, do a craft, have a snack and play games.  So why is this my miracle?  Well a couple reasons.  I knew that I wanted Jacob to participate in something on his own to socialize him with other children.  I also wanted something to send him to that was affordable, I wanted something that would teach him values, and this obviously fits with us.  I also have the belief that it takes a community to raise a child.  There he is getting an awareness of other rules and other adults and that it doesn't matter where you are there are rules and you have to follow them.  I had been concerned because at first he would cry when I dropped him off, this slowly dwindled.  My other concern has been that he probably doesn't talk very much to them.  Jacob tends to not talk to strangers at all.  Even if I am right there it takes a lot of coaxing for him to say hi.  I know this isn't such a bad thing but when he goes to school I'm hoping he will talk and not take 6 months to open up to the teachers.  Tonight I checked in with the leaders at BG club to see how he was doing.  The comments were that he is really starting to open up and talk a lot there.  FABULOUS!!!!  There are no other concerns; just that at the beginning he really didn't talk to them much at all but now he's starting to open up a lot.  Great, just what I wanted to hear.  I know that when he goes to school it probably won't take this long because he will be going more often than only once a week so he will become familiar much sooner and talk.  This was just the reassurance I needed to hear though.  Thanks God!

Day 143

Have you ever been in a situation where you didn't really know what was going on with a relationship and wondered how to figure it out?  I have found myself in this situation a number of times throughout my life.  Relationships just don't come easy to me.  I haven't had that many and can't say that they have been very positive; well they all ended so what does that tell you?!  I have to say though that my miracle of the day is that I'm okay with being single.  I've never felt the "need" to have a companion.  I've never forced a relationship if it wasn't there.  I have always been very secure and happier being alone than being in a relationship that made me miserable.  So thanks God for giving me this outlook on life and being with just me!